You're a Redneck if...you Strobe a Turkey???

[River Runner]

Did you ever do something just because you could -- without thought to whether you should? Last night 3 buddies and I pulled up to the ranch house after a night of varmint calling. And, there's this turkey hen, a big one, standing right on the porch. Now my buddies ranch is "ate up" with turkey, so we've seen a couple hundred already yesterday.

But this one didn't know which way to run. She tried a couple of times to fly through the cabin window but that didn't work too well. One of my buddies declares he's going to catch her, so we both jump out of the truck. I pull out my Preon and cover the lens with my hand while I get it into strobe mode. I give that hen a face full of strobe and all she does is stand there and stare at me from 10 feet away. My buddy sneaks up behind her and grabs her by the neck -- and it's "game on". She starts flapping and spuring and crapping. He finally has had enough and throws her a few feet off the porch. She takes a few seconds to figure out that she's not about to be eaten and runs off.

We laugh and holler -- then open another beer. Sometimes it's good to be a redneck.

RR

 

[hotlight]

I'm gonna have to report this to the "governmental authorities".

 

[River Runner]

I guess we should have eaten the evidence, huh? Not to worry, the hen ran off to see another day.

 

[Eagleout]

You know you're a redneck if...You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

 

[dudemar]

Did you ever do something just because you could -- without thought to whether you should? Last night 3 buddies and I pulled up to the ranch house after a night of varmint calling. And, there's this turkey hen, a big one, standing right on the porch. Now my buddies ranch is "ate up" with turkey, so we've seen a couple hundred already yesterday.

But this one didn't know which way to run. She tried a couple of times to fly through the cabin window but that didn't work too well. One of my buddies declares he's going to catch her, so we both jump out of the truck. I pull out my Preon and cover the lens with my hand while I get it into strobe mode. I give that hen a face full of strobe and all she does is stand there and stare at me from 10 feet away. My buddy sneaks up behind her and grabs her by the neck -- and it's "game on". She starts flapping and spuring and crapping. He finally has had enough and throws her a few feet off the porch. She takes a few seconds to figure out that she's not about to be eaten and runs off.

We laugh and holler -- then open another beer. Sometimes it's good to be a redneck.

RR

You must be very proud of yourself!

:duh2:

 

[Apollo Cree]

Come on, admit it.

You weren't really varmint calling, you were cow tipping, weren't you? :buddies:

Does the Preon strobe help cow tipping? Or do you need a more powerful light for that?

 

[travelinman]

And you call yourself a redneck? Haven't you ever heard of "pit lamping"?

 

[shhh]

Ha Thats great!:twothumbs

 

[Hooked on Fenix]

Did you ever do something just because you could -- without thought to whether you should?

If that's what defines a redneck, our church is full of them (including me). Here's some of the things they and I have done (I will not say which ones, if any of these I was involved in):

Dressed up in a Batman costume at Six Flags in front of Batman The Ride and stood like a statue. People thought it was a statue and had their kids pose nearby for pictures. Batman then moved when the picture was taken and freaked everyone out.

Ran through the streets of Avalon in Catalina Island, CA with a box that says, "free kittens" on the side and tripped falling on and crushing the (empty) box in front of everyone on the main street.

Caught sea gulls at the beach: You dig a shallow hole and lay in it. You take two large beach towels and use one to cover up most of your body and one to cover up your outspread arms. You have someone spread chips or Cheetos across the towel above your chest. Take shallow breaths and wait for the sea gulls to land on your chest, then clap your hands together to catch one. Release the sea gull before you're covered in poop or bitten. The sea gulls are not harmed, and it's catch and release.

Staged a fight in Avalon wearing a gorilla costume.

Messing with sea gulls: Cooked some steaks on an uncovered BBQ at the beach. A sea gull swooped down and snatched one. The steak was too heavy so the sea gull dropped it in the grass. Got mad and decided to get the sea gulls back. Cut off a piece of steak from what fell and attached it to a heavy duty paper plate with bailing wire. Took 10 feet of bailing wire and attached it to the paper plate and staked the other end to the ground with a stick. Waited for the sea gulls to come for the steak. The first one swooped down and tried to take the steak and fly off. The plate flew off with the steak until the bird reached the end of it's leash. At that point, the bird was yanked out of the air (only fell a foot or two). Revenge was sweet. Most of the other sea gulls walked up to the steak to try to retrieve it. After half an hour, the entire flock of sea gulls had tried to get the steak (unsuccessfully) and was now squawking in unison in anger and disappointment. No sea gulls were harmed during this prank, but hopefully they learned a lesson about not stealing.

Church's Men's Retreat initiation: Our church's mens group went out to the middle of nowhere for an annual retreat. A couple of new guys came and decided to play in the mud around the pond. Our group convinced them that the plants around the pond that they had touched were poison oak. Our group started yelling out fake remedies for the "poison oak" and the two were gullible and followed each piece of advice immediately. It started with, "Strip down to your skivvies. Jump in the pond and wash it off. Cover your bodies in mud." The joke ended with these infamous words by our youth pastor, "And don't forget to pee on yourselves."

 

[HeyGuysWatchThis]

If that's what defines a redneck, our church is full of them (including me). Here's some of the things they and I have done (I will not say which ones, if any of these I was involved in):

Dressed up in a Batman costume at Six Flags in front of Batman The Ride and stood like a statue. People thought it was a statue and had their kids pose nearby for pictures. Batman then moved when the picture was taken and freaked everyone out.

Ran through the streets of Avalon in Catalina Island, CA with a box that says, "free kittens" on the side and tripped falling on and crushing the (empty) box in front of everyone on the main street.

Caught sea gulls at the beach: You dig a shallow hole and lay in it. You take two large beach towels and use one to cover up most of your body and one to cover up your outspread arms. You have someone spread chips or Cheetos across the towel above your chest. Take shallow breaths and wait for the sea gulls to land on your chest, then clap your hands together to catch one. Release the sea gull before you're covered in poop or bitten. The sea gulls are not harmed, and it's catch and release.

Staged a fight in Avalon wearing a gorilla costume.

Messing with sea gulls: Cooked some steaks on an uncovered BBQ at the beach. A sea gull swooped down and snatched one. The steak was too heavy so the sea gull dropped it in the grass. Got mad and decided to get the sea gulls back. Cut off a piece of steak from what fell and attached it to a heavy duty paper plate with bailing wire. Took 10 feet of bailing wire and attached it to the paper plate and staked the other end to the ground with a stick. Waited for the sea gulls to come for the steak. The first one swooped down and tried to take the steak and fly off. The plate flew off with the steak until the bird reached the end of it's leash. At that point, the bird was yanked out of the air (only fell a foot or two). Revenge was sweet. Most of the other sea gulls walked up to the steak to try to retrieve it. After half an hour, the entire flock of sea gulls had tried to get the steak (unsuccessfully) and was now squawking in unison in anger and disappointment. No sea gulls were harmed during this prank, but hopefully they learned a lesson about not stealing.

Church's Men's Retreat initiation: Our church's mens group went out to the middle of nowhere for an annual retreat. A couple of new guys came and decided to play in the mud around the pond. Our group convinced them that the plants around the pond that they had touched were poison oak. Our group started yelling out fake remedies for the "poison oak" and the two were gullible and followed each piece of advice immediately. It started with, "Strip down to your skivvies. Jump in the pond and wash it off. Cover your bodies in mud." The joke ended with these infamous words by our youth pastor, "And don't forget to pee on yourselves."

That's some good stuff, man! Just FYI though, the seagulls learned nothing from the paper plate/baling wire experiment. It's impossible to teach them anything. All that goes on in a seagull's brain is "see food, grab food".

 

[StriderSMF]

lol funniest thread title ever haha

 

[bob4apple]

So you guys practice pranks religiously it seems. :devil:

 

[Hooked on Fenix]

Anyone who says Christians are boring has never been to our church.

 

[Hack On Wheels]

Anyone who says Christians are boring has never been to our church.

No kidding, I have the feeling I go to the wrong church! :laughing:

 

[nbp]

@ Hooked on fenix: You have some great stories man; I recall some really good ones from you in the "things you've learned the hard way" thread also. I loved your seashell collecting story, and this one about the box of kittens made me laugh out loud. Keep 'em coming bro!

 

[Apollo Cree]

Piney Woods Church Sunday Schedule for this Week

09:00 AM Sunday School (Dolly Parton Center)
10:30 AM Worship Service (Hank Williams Auditorium)
12:00 PM Possum Potluck Lunch (Dale Earnhardt Hall)
01:00 PM Youth Dynamite and Cold Beverage Party (South Forty)
01:15 PM First Aid Demonstration (South Forty)
01:30 PM Cold Beverages
02:00 PM Youth Fishing Activities. (South Forty Pond # 3)
02:10 PM CPR Demonstration. (South Forty Pond # 3)
02:15 PM Youth Dynamite Fishing Activities (South Forty Pond # 3)
02:20 PM First Aid Demonstration - Trauma (South Forty Pond # 3)
03:00 PM NASCAR Discussion (Dale Earnhardt Hall)
04:00 PM Cold Beverages
04:30 PM Youth hunting activities. (West Forty)
04:30 PM First Aid Demonstration - Gunshot Wounds.
05:00 PM Barbecue and Cold Beverages (Earnhardt Hall)
05:30 PM Advanced First Aid Demonstration - Burns.
06:00 PM Evening Worship Service
07:00 PM Youth Activities - Cow Tipping
08:00 PM Cold Beverages

 

[guiri]

Kickin' church!

 

[JHM]

HA! laughed milk all over the keyboard, now I have to clean it. Strobed a turkey.... reminds me of home....

 

[Empath]

Off-topic thread. It's suppose to be about LED flahlights.
Thread closed.