Anthony, if I could do anything to help you rise up and beat this with a full heart... Maybe I just did.
When presented with no information, people have a tendency to assume the worst. When confronted with a situation where there's nothing you can really do, this causes a lot of people to get angry. Unfortunately, that's illogical... won't solve a thing.
It's like this time I was in the Middle East... "in the sandbox for Sam." I had eaten some bad food and was stuck in a chemical toilet, huddled over in distress. A sniper's bullet passed through the plastic walls above me where I would have been sitting up had I not eaten that bad food. I had no communications, no way to signal help. It was several hours before someone came by, quickly yelled communication through the closed door and they took off running. The sniper didn't know I was still okay, think he was waiting for the other guy to open the door, but the guy running was going to be toast. I took off as well, when presented with two moving targets he couldn't connect. This is because they try for very long range to help protect themselves. We both made it out of there, the situation was eventually handled. No casualties for us that day.
With no information, no way to call for help, and stuck in a chemical toilet is a pretty good example of a situation that makes one feel powerless. Getting angry does nothing, nor does crying or complaining about it. The only way was through it, else I'd just have laid down and died. I had to act, but had no idea what to do. When presented with a chance to save someone else's life, I acted. Actions are more important than feelings.
Once in a while, I think about that situation. It was surreal, I had difficulty convincing people that something was wrong... they were just auto-piloting through their day. After all, it isn't every day someone starts yelling "Sniper! Sniper! Sniper!" I was accused of lying, even when I showed the guys the bullet hole in the chemical toilet. "You're lying, there was no sniper!"
People's perceptions shape their reality, when you think it's hopeless and there's nothing you can do to fix it then you're unfortunately correct.
The trick is to keep going, shape your path for your life and never waver unless it's time to do something else.
Anthony, I can't make your decisions, but I can tell you that I'm not mad. I wasn't one of the people getting all hot and antsy. I never trashed you for a second, so don't think everyone else is.
See the sun. Get some air. Stretch your legs. Your perceptions shape your reality and you can actually affect this.
:grouphug:
After all, where there's breath, there's life. You're not done yet, my friend.
