Hey man. we all have to taste bitterness to understand the sweet. Its not in our comprehension as humans to appreciate each other. I am a broken man, but made stronger through god and his infinite love because of it. We cannot learn TRUE love without first sacraficing ourselves. I know alot of people unlike you and i incircumstances, thatcowar at the thought of exposing themselves and thier weaknesses because of thier pride. Truly, i have been put in similiar situation to awake me of my spirit to help others. Im sorry to hear you lost your wife. keep your head up and remember your creator who rejoices at the day you knock on his door for help in all situations of life and beyond. i am but a friend and messenger ho whas walked a lowly path as yourlself. It will get better and i wish you all the blessings of prosperity in your changing future. btw.. i have seen your reviews on lights and posted pics, thanks for putting up that valuable info for all of us cpf'ers=)