D40Cvn Tell Jokes Giveaway!

[PapaLumen]

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The retail store.

#1973 please

 

[MaxBeam]

# 5399

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he said to his wife. " No, that felt more like snow to me, " she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said. "Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. " Let's not fight about it, " the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing. " As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course, " he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

 

[KickTheCAN]

#3005

 

[MaxBeam]

# 4321

 

[MaxBeam]

Originally Posted by jmpaul320
I have sold over 85 lights on ebay/cpf marketplace/blf... the average return price on a light after fees and shipping is 71%. (I keep a spreadsheet of every light I buy and sell and have owned; who I sold it to and for what... and the date! LOL)



# 2345

Q. How to end up with a small fortune selling lights on ebay/cpf marketplace/blf...
A. Start with a large fortune!

 

[candlenewb]

#5004

 

[MaxBeam]

# 5221

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

 

[candlenewb]

#5006

 

[TEEJ]

#2000

 

[MaxBeam]

# 5111

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

 

[MaxBeam]

# 4111

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

[KickTheCAN]

#2025

 

[candlenewb]

#5007

 

[MaxBeam]

# 3111

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

 

[Raven18]

#1818

 

[MaxBeam]

# 2111

Q. What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
A. I can clearly see "you're" nuts....

 

[quickster47]

Why did the spider cross the road?

To get to his web site.

Carl


Sent from my iPhone using Candlepowerforums

 

[MaxBeam]

# 789

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

 

[Henk4U2]

#1950
The teacher asks little Johnny why he was not in school yesterday. Johnny says: I brought our bull to the neighbours cow. The teacher said: can't your father do that? No said Johnny, it has te be a bull.

 

[MaxBeam]

# 1789

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie.