you WILL beat this!
not by "beating" it, but by "rolling" with it.
an oak appears strong and rigid...but is easily toppled by a strong wind.
a willow is soft and flexible...and withstands the storm.
you are feeling like a willow...which is good!
you have been through one of the toughest things in your life--and will someday grow stronger from it.
it doesnt seem that way right now...but you will!
it is like lifting weights--it hurts unbearably for some time, but then you begin to heal...and strength is gained.
i cannot define this strength for you, but you will know when it is there.
this wont help you to feel better, but what you are feeling is a normal part of the grieving process.
it took many months for me to heal.
i still feel an occasional bit of hurt...and mom died in 1994.
the only thing that will make you feel better is "time".
but, remember to take care of yourself (and your family). eat well, hydrate, breathe deeply, exercise, hobbies.
purge your pain, fears and anxiety, weep... get some rest, talk with friends, family, CPF.
grief counseling can be wonderful, and i think that it is often free through hospice.
take care,
Bob