D40Cvn Tell Jokes Giveaway!

[MaxBeam]

# 1555

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia.

The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?"

The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.

The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

 

[NoNotAgain]

To all my smart friends– can you solve this problem???

Scroll down for the answer.


Looks like you are going to be embarrassed!


Answer: 87. ………..Did you get it???? Want to figure it out before you peek?


OK, you give up…………………


See below:

​

Aren't you ashamed,………just a little?​

#1492






























​

 

[TEEJ]

#2002

 

[MaxBeam]

# 2555

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

 

[TEEJ]

#2003

 

[TEEJ]

# 2004

 

[gofastman]

Why are there so many blonde jokes?

Redheads and brunettes have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday night.
#3451

 

[MaxBeam]

#2777

 

[MaxBeam]

# 3777

 

[flashaholic1]

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?


A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car with them.

# 2780

 

[MaxBeam]

#4777

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

 

[YW84U]

# 601

 

[luxxlightsaber]

# 4789

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette.
His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve.
A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

Huuuuuuuuu!!!! Lol

 

[luxxlightsaber]

Your house is so dirty, even the roaches are on dirt bikes!! 1776

 

[luxxlightsaber]

Your so ugly you stuck your head out the car window and got a ticket for mooning! 1914

 

[luxxlightsaber]

I saw you with one shoe and asked you what happened did you loose a shoe and you said no I found one. 1560

 

[Raven-burg]

Did you hear about the fire at the campsite?
The heat was in tents!


Sent from my iPhone using Candlepowerforums

 

[aribach]

My mate went to get a tattoo of an indian on his back. Halfway through he said,"dont forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said, "give us a chance mate, i've only just finished his turban."

#360


Sent from my iPhone is gusing Candlepowerforumsi

 

[Greta]

Some of you may have noticed that your posts have been removed. They have been removed because they do not fit in with the family atmosphere here - i.e.. bad language, inappropriate for younger members, just plain poor taste, etc. It is up to Vinh to moderate this forum and to maintain the overall CPF standards and rules. As he has not done that here, an admin has had to step in. If he continues to ignore the forum policies and rules, his forum will be closed. As Vinh is ultimately responsible for what you all post, it would be in YOUR best interest to help him out by "keeping it clean". IOW - if you would not say it or show it to a 5 year old, it doesn't belong here. I realize that some of you really don't care what you show or say to a 5 year old so your standards are a bit lower. That's ok. That's what Vinh is here for - to clean up your messes. Yes, that is what he agreed to when he was given his own sub-forum. This is not news.

So ALL of you take notice as of right now - This sub-forum is NOT a private sub-forum and it is NOT a place for ANY of you to act like Beavis and Butthead with your immature and inappropriate comments, language and images. Vinh - if you cannot keep control of your sub-forum and maintain the standards of CPF and CPF moderators and administrators need to constantly come in to clean things up, the sub-forum will be removed. As it stands right now, this thread is teetering on the brink of being deleted. You all are fortunate that only the offending posts have been removed. DON'T push it any further.

Clean it up guys... and please do not test me on this one.

 

[gofastman]

here's one for us wrench jockeys:
I but a Stinger from the Snap On guy for less than $200

#4322