In reference to some posts, its helpful not to confuse cigarettes/nicotine with alcohol. IIRC nicotine is more addictive than heroin and has a completely different effect on the brain. To the OP. If you still wish to consume alcohol, try switching to the lightest beer you can find. I think the alcohol content is somewhere around 2.5% for most light beers. It may satisfy the urge to be consuming something but is weak enough that you probably won't be getting smashed. If I'm at a bar/party and either don't feel like drinking or I'm the designated driver, I just grab a light beer and nurse it. Also, like the old adage goes, don't drink on an empty stomach. One last thing. If its anxiety or stress thats causing you to drink, find out where its coming from and see if you can get to the root of the issue. Please understand I'm not in any way encouraging anyone to drink or giving any type of addiciton advice. Just responding to the OP's request for tips on moderation.
I have a problem with alcohol...please help
- Thread starter brighterisbetter
- Start date
Help Support Candle Power Flashlight Forum
LowBat
Flashlight Enthusiast
That's what I would do. Anything I had remaining would be consumed slowly until it was gone. That way it's not sudden cold turkey and I could sort of ease myself off. While doing so I might look at what else I could drink that's not alcoholic. I would avoid liquor stores and bars and any place where there's too much temptation. The occasional glass of wine when dining out with family is about all I would indulge in. I would also tell my family my plan.
I don't know how much of a problem you're having with alcohol. If it's minor the above may work for you.
I used to drink a lot at weekend poker games. We all did. One of us puking up a meal wasn't uncommon. The hangovers were so bad for me that I finally cut way way back on the alcohol. That was the key for me... getting sick. As an added benefit I got way better at poker.
That's another habit (gambling) I cured by getting sick. That same bunch of poker friends and I went for a three day trip to Reno. Instead of checking out the shows like planned, we ended up spending every waking hour playing blackjack. I was betting big and winning big the first day. Day two and three I was cautious and gradually lost it all through attrition. Those two nights of trying to sleep were constant images of cards turning over and over accompanied by a throbbing headache. My final win on the last day left me with just enough money for gas to drive home, and that's what I did. That was 1988 and I've hardly gambled since. I simply have no interest.
dom
Enlightened
Hi Bud
What sort of drinking habit do you have?
Stay up all night drinking by yourself?
Drink at work or before you go to work?
Drink till you drop or black out?
If any of these are familiar then there ain't any moderation that can be recommended - sorry.
(this is from a person with years of experience BTW)
Cheers
Dom
What sort of drinking habit do you have?
Stay up all night drinking by yourself?
Drink at work or before you go to work?
Drink till you drop or black out?
If any of these are familiar then there ain't any moderation that can be recommended - sorry.
(this is from a person with years of experience BTW)
Cheers
Dom
Robocop
Moderator, *Mammoth Killer*
I have never drank however I see many people daily who do.....often these people are in the back of my patrol car and have done something to get them jailed. I will often try to help them however honestly no one can repair a problem in 5 minutes that took years to create.
The single most common problem I see with true alcoholics is that they always place themelves in a situation they believe they can control. Some may not drink for weeks and decide to go out with friends to relax....of course they tell themselves they will not drink and that they are strong enough to control it......they are always wrong.
I see some very decent people who simply are not strong enough to be in any environment where there is alcohol. Yes I like to try and help decent people yet the only thing I can often do is protect them from themselves for a few hours. The longer battle begins with yourself and changing almost every aspect of your life or habits.
If it is as bad as it sounds you are already ahead of the game by simply admitting you have a problem. This takes courage however the real courage will be to distance yourself from every friend who drinks and every place that makes you want to drink. Yes it is boring to walk a straight line and you may have to pass on certain events yet it can be done.
I have seen many people who go years without drinking and they slip up one time and go out with friends who drink and they fall right back to their old routine. I honestly believe that any person with an addiction is never truly cured however they can control their addiction by recognizing danger far ahead of time.
Spend a day for yourself and do something you like. Change your routines and maybe take up a healthy hobby like bike riding, join a gym, or even change your hairstyle. Just do something different and take each day one at a time. If you do have any friends or even family that drink tell them nicely that you simply can not associate with them right now. I know it sounds hard however honestly if you think it you can do it.
Maybe you can take a ride-along with your local police and experience the darker sides of addiction. I once knew of a judge who would force those who were caught DUI to go to classes that showed very graphic video of horrible wreck scenes involving alcohol. It did actually seem to help some people as they never really understood the actions of drinking and driving.
Bravo to you for taking the first step and again good luck with the future. If you really step back and look you will see there are several people probably touched by your problem however the good side is there will also be several people who will benefit greatly by you solving the problem as well.
The single most common problem I see with true alcoholics is that they always place themelves in a situation they believe they can control. Some may not drink for weeks and decide to go out with friends to relax....of course they tell themselves they will not drink and that they are strong enough to control it......they are always wrong.
I see some very decent people who simply are not strong enough to be in any environment where there is alcohol. Yes I like to try and help decent people yet the only thing I can often do is protect them from themselves for a few hours. The longer battle begins with yourself and changing almost every aspect of your life or habits.
If it is as bad as it sounds you are already ahead of the game by simply admitting you have a problem. This takes courage however the real courage will be to distance yourself from every friend who drinks and every place that makes you want to drink. Yes it is boring to walk a straight line and you may have to pass on certain events yet it can be done.
I have seen many people who go years without drinking and they slip up one time and go out with friends who drink and they fall right back to their old routine. I honestly believe that any person with an addiction is never truly cured however they can control their addiction by recognizing danger far ahead of time.
Spend a day for yourself and do something you like. Change your routines and maybe take up a healthy hobby like bike riding, join a gym, or even change your hairstyle. Just do something different and take each day one at a time. If you do have any friends or even family that drink tell them nicely that you simply can not associate with them right now. I know it sounds hard however honestly if you think it you can do it.
Maybe you can take a ride-along with your local police and experience the darker sides of addiction. I once knew of a judge who would force those who were caught DUI to go to classes that showed very graphic video of horrible wreck scenes involving alcohol. It did actually seem to help some people as they never really understood the actions of drinking and driving.
Bravo to you for taking the first step and again good luck with the future. If you really step back and look you will see there are several people probably touched by your problem however the good side is there will also be several people who will benefit greatly by you solving the problem as well.
jtr1962
Flashaholic
You've already taken the first step, which is admitting the problem exists in the first place. Denial is usual the biggest reason addictions last. You slip into it gradually. First it's one drink, then two, and so forth. Before you know it, you're no longer just having a couple of beers a week to relax, but going through a bottle or two of hard liquor per day. The definition of an addiction is an activity which affects the rest of your life. When you can no longer hold down a job, and your relationships with friends and family suffer, then you know you have an addiction.
I tend to think there are two reasons alcohol addiction is so prevalent in the USA. One reason is drinking in moderation is socially acceptable. It's not a huge step to go from moderation to addiction if you have a compulsive personality. The second larger reason was the increase in the drinking age, and general taboo against giving minors any alcohol. I first tasted alcohol ( wine, beers, cordials ) when I was in grade school. This was typical in Italian families. In my opinion it demystifies alcohol, making you less likely to binge on it when you get older. Also, for most children, the aftereffects of alcohol tend to be unpleasant, even in very small quantities. Again, memories of this tend to discourage consumption of excessive alcohol in adulthood. Even now maybe I'll have wine with dinner once or twice a week, or perhaps a couple of beers a week in the summer. For whatever reason, alcohol still has the same effect on me it did as a child. Relatively small amounts put me to sleep, not make me more sociable. As a result, I drink mainly for the taste. I like the way beer tastes, but if the alcoholic effects could be removed I'd like it even more. Anyway, my point is because of the general taboo on alcohol until age 21, I tend to think many go crazy with it once they reach legal drinking age. The solution unfortunately, which is giving small quantities of alcohol to children at social functions, would probably be seen as tantamount to child abuse these days. End result then is we'll continue to have much higher levels of alcohol addiction than countries with more enlighteded attitudes.
All that being said, not everyone who takes a drink becomes addicted. Certain personality types are inherently obsessive. Based on my experience with my late father, this really can't be changed. His unhealthy relationship with food ultimately killed him. The only solution is to replace unhealthy obsessions, like drinking or smoking or overeating, with healthy ones where there is less downside. The best example might be exercise. True you can get repetitive strain injuries if you overdo exercise, but that's really the only downside.
My recommendation is to find an activity you enjoy with little downside. Every time you think of taking a drink, do the activity instead. Eventually your brain will associate getting your fix with the new activity, not with drinking. On a personal note, both of one of my cousin's parents were alcoholics. Both died at relatively young ages ( his mother was only 64, not sure about his father ). That alone is good reason to quit. And unfortunately quit is the only thing you can do. If you have an obsessive personality, there is no such thing as doing anything in moderation, including drinking. The only thing you can do is replace an unhealthy obsessive activity with a healthy one. Unfortunately, from what I've read and personal experience with family members, obsessive-compulsive disorder is notoriously difficult to even moderate, much less cure.
I tend to think there are two reasons alcohol addiction is so prevalent in the USA. One reason is drinking in moderation is socially acceptable. It's not a huge step to go from moderation to addiction if you have a compulsive personality. The second larger reason was the increase in the drinking age, and general taboo against giving minors any alcohol. I first tasted alcohol ( wine, beers, cordials ) when I was in grade school. This was typical in Italian families. In my opinion it demystifies alcohol, making you less likely to binge on it when you get older. Also, for most children, the aftereffects of alcohol tend to be unpleasant, even in very small quantities. Again, memories of this tend to discourage consumption of excessive alcohol in adulthood. Even now maybe I'll have wine with dinner once or twice a week, or perhaps a couple of beers a week in the summer. For whatever reason, alcohol still has the same effect on me it did as a child. Relatively small amounts put me to sleep, not make me more sociable. As a result, I drink mainly for the taste. I like the way beer tastes, but if the alcoholic effects could be removed I'd like it even more. Anyway, my point is because of the general taboo on alcohol until age 21, I tend to think many go crazy with it once they reach legal drinking age. The solution unfortunately, which is giving small quantities of alcohol to children at social functions, would probably be seen as tantamount to child abuse these days. End result then is we'll continue to have much higher levels of alcohol addiction than countries with more enlighteded attitudes.
All that being said, not everyone who takes a drink becomes addicted. Certain personality types are inherently obsessive. Based on my experience with my late father, this really can't be changed. His unhealthy relationship with food ultimately killed him. The only solution is to replace unhealthy obsessions, like drinking or smoking or overeating, with healthy ones where there is less downside. The best example might be exercise. True you can get repetitive strain injuries if you overdo exercise, but that's really the only downside.
My recommendation is to find an activity you enjoy with little downside. Every time you think of taking a drink, do the activity instead. Eventually your brain will associate getting your fix with the new activity, not with drinking. On a personal note, both of one of my cousin's parents were alcoholics. Both died at relatively young ages ( his mother was only 64, not sure about his father ). That alone is good reason to quit. And unfortunately quit is the only thing you can do. If you have an obsessive personality, there is no such thing as doing anything in moderation, including drinking. The only thing you can do is replace an unhealthy obsessive activity with a healthy one. Unfortunately, from what I've read and personal experience with family members, obsessive-compulsive disorder is notoriously difficult to even moderate, much less cure.
NonSenCe
Flashlight Enthusiast
i vote yes for pretty much on everything said before me.
i recommend strongly writing down:
a list of how much you drink per day/week/month. write each one down.
list why you dont want to drink.
list why you want to drink.
keep these lists with you or so you can see them ..not hidden away. a reminder that you yourself wrote works as deterrent.
if you feel you need a drink. ask yourself why and write it down. then look at the answer and try to see it as it is. isnt it just an excuse?
go thru these things in your head.. and write them down (they become more concrete that way, and you can put the lists for you to see) ie. why do you drink when you drink. write em down. there is always a reasoning why.. boredom/party/bad mood etc..
do you "seek" reasons to have a drink. do you somehow escalate certain things like arguements or just make them sound worse than they are to make an excuse to drink. (because now you feel bad)
do you look at your life and only look at bad things to make reasons for you to drown your sorrows. bringing up years old stuff.
do you find yourself "celebrating" daily about normal mundane things. yay its weekend, or friends birthday.. a friend that you dont go and visit on that day but you drink on his/her honour anyways. or that local sports team won. (dont even have to be local.)
so do you jump for every chance to party.. "oh its last day of school" and last time you went to school was?
or do you give yourself a prize for doing something. (a beer for mowing the lawn etc) or going thru the day without a drink.. or week without a beer so you can get hammered on weekend.
is the Day Off/weekend concept a reason to drink.
do you need a reason to stay sober if you have a day off? (gotta drive tomorrow morning so i cant drink today.. atleast not that much.)
do you drink alone, or do you need company.
do you seek company that is drinking, deliberately. look back few years, have the people you spend time with/friends changed to others.
what do the older friends have in common.. (many times they are the kind that cant just drink on whim.. have family or demandin jobs, or only drink on "official party days" independence day new years etc.. not every weekend any more.. like they used to when you were younger.) they are boring thesedays.. they dont party nor drink anymore.
do you need a drink to start a day? do you need a drink to go to bed. and then maybe another too. do you need to drink so much that you pass out to "sleep well".
i repeat, write down: Why and Why not. be true to yourself. and yes. seek some professional counceling too. sometimes AA helps. sometimes it takes medication that just makes you feel so sick if you take just one drink. sometimes roots for drinking can be solved by therapist. sometimes it only takes a person to see the damage they have done to their life and loved ones. i know an alky that turned new leaf in his life the day he learned he had given his daughter age of 6 a black eye previous nite. 8 years and he is doing fine still.
i hope you get the support you need to get your life in order. drinking moderately only works for people that can handle it. those that have tendencies to drink too much, they cant handle it. its a road to hell. if you find it troubling, work hard and quit that drinking. living without a drink is not that difficult.
1st comes revelation that there is a problem.. then you can start to fix it. and you are on your way
good luck.
i recommend strongly writing down:
a list of how much you drink per day/week/month. write each one down.
list why you dont want to drink.
list why you want to drink.
keep these lists with you or so you can see them ..not hidden away. a reminder that you yourself wrote works as deterrent.
if you feel you need a drink. ask yourself why and write it down. then look at the answer and try to see it as it is. isnt it just an excuse?
go thru these things in your head.. and write them down (they become more concrete that way, and you can put the lists for you to see) ie. why do you drink when you drink. write em down. there is always a reasoning why.. boredom/party/bad mood etc..
do you "seek" reasons to have a drink. do you somehow escalate certain things like arguements or just make them sound worse than they are to make an excuse to drink. (because now you feel bad)
do you look at your life and only look at bad things to make reasons for you to drown your sorrows. bringing up years old stuff.
do you find yourself "celebrating" daily about normal mundane things. yay its weekend, or friends birthday.. a friend that you dont go and visit on that day but you drink on his/her honour anyways. or that local sports team won. (dont even have to be local.)
so do you jump for every chance to party.. "oh its last day of school" and last time you went to school was?
or do you give yourself a prize for doing something. (a beer for mowing the lawn etc) or going thru the day without a drink.. or week without a beer so you can get hammered on weekend.
is the Day Off/weekend concept a reason to drink.
do you need a reason to stay sober if you have a day off? (gotta drive tomorrow morning so i cant drink today.. atleast not that much.)
do you drink alone, or do you need company.
do you seek company that is drinking, deliberately. look back few years, have the people you spend time with/friends changed to others.
what do the older friends have in common.. (many times they are the kind that cant just drink on whim.. have family or demandin jobs, or only drink on "official party days" independence day new years etc.. not every weekend any more.. like they used to when you were younger.) they are boring thesedays.. they dont party nor drink anymore.
do you need a drink to start a day? do you need a drink to go to bed. and then maybe another too. do you need to drink so much that you pass out to "sleep well".
i repeat, write down: Why and Why not. be true to yourself. and yes. seek some professional counceling too. sometimes AA helps. sometimes it takes medication that just makes you feel so sick if you take just one drink. sometimes roots for drinking can be solved by therapist. sometimes it only takes a person to see the damage they have done to their life and loved ones. i know an alky that turned new leaf in his life the day he learned he had given his daughter age of 6 a black eye previous nite. 8 years and he is doing fine still.
i hope you get the support you need to get your life in order. drinking moderately only works for people that can handle it. those that have tendencies to drink too much, they cant handle it. its a road to hell. if you find it troubling, work hard and quit that drinking. living without a drink is not that difficult.
1st comes revelation that there is a problem.. then you can start to fix it. and you are on your way
good luck.
Exactly how I feel. That is why I drink nonalcoholic brew (O'Douls). A nice thirst quencher on a hot day.
Dances with Flashlight
Flashlight Enthusiast
brighterisbetter, you've been at CPF quite awhile and already realize that you have another family - your brethren here - and that is a huge advantage in dealing with any kind of problem. I don't know that anyone could find better advice than what has been contributed here by people who obviously understand and care.
If anyone ever needed any evidence of the family that inhabits CPF, here it is.
If anyone ever needed any evidence of the family that inhabits CPF, here it is.
I know where you're at, I was there a number of years ago. Realizing (and admitting) there is a problem puts you one-up on many others.
Moderation will not work, you can easily fool yourself.
Prayer will help. Be specific about what you want. (ie: take these cravings away)
AA works, and will help if you let it. Almost every city has a branch office to call.
It's not easy, but rarely do we find anything truly worth it is.
It is simple.
The genetics thing does matter. An alcoholic processes the alcohol a bit differently than the non alcoholic. Don't use this as an excuse... facts and data can help... as they can help a diabetic.
If you need to talk something out, PM me and I'll give you my phone #.
In reference to how good it tastes... it's been 23 yrs ago for me, and I can still remember the taste of a good Pilsner when I'm talking about it.
Moderation will not work, you can easily fool yourself.
Prayer will help. Be specific about what you want. (ie: take these cravings away)
AA works, and will help if you let it. Almost every city has a branch office to call.
It's not easy, but rarely do we find anything truly worth it is.
It is simple.
The genetics thing does matter. An alcoholic processes the alcohol a bit differently than the non alcoholic. Don't use this as an excuse... facts and data can help... as they can help a diabetic.
If you need to talk something out, PM me and I'll give you my phone #.
In reference to how good it tastes... it's been 23 yrs ago for me, and I can still remember the taste of a good Pilsner when I'm talking about it.
Last edited:
MojaveMoon07
Enlightened
I thought this was a good article about AA:
"Secret of AA: After 75 Years, We Don't Know How It Works"
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/06/ff_alcoholics_anonymous/
"Secret of AA: After 75 Years, We Don't Know How It Works"
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/06/ff_alcoholics_anonymous/
There may be similar treatment centers elsewhere, but in the Pacific Northwest, there is an amazingly successful medical approach to addictions. It's Schick Shadel's ten day treatment, with two followup visits lasting two days each after 30 days and 90 days.
Their program is a non-12 step program, treating addictions as a neurological illness.
I'm not dissing the 12 step program. It has been a successful method for many people, and has an added benefit of offering even more benefit than is sought by it's users. The success rate, though, is moderated to a large extent by a significant failure rate. Schick Shadel boasts that it is the number 1, successful method.
Their program is a non-12 step program, treating addictions as a neurological illness.
I'm not dissing the 12 step program. It has been a successful method for many people, and has an added benefit of offering even more benefit than is sought by it's users. The success rate, though, is moderated to a large extent by a significant failure rate. Schick Shadel boasts that it is the number 1, successful method.
Launch Mini
Flashlight Enthusiast
Since your family is already willing to help, that might make it easier.
From the people I've know, moderation does not work. I don't know your situation, but abstinance is probably the best.
When everyone else is grabbing a "beverage' you can too, but make it non-alcoholic, Cranberry & soda, Virgin Margarita, ice tea.....
Have your family support you but not drinking along with you.
Habit habit habit is one of the factors along with the genes.
They say it takes 21 day to break a habit, so try try & try to get through the next 3 weeks with softdrinks.:twothumbs
Best of luck in your endeavour.
There is nothing wrong with NOT drinking when everyone else is.
From the people I've know, moderation does not work. I don't know your situation, but abstinance is probably the best.
When everyone else is grabbing a "beverage' you can too, but make it non-alcoholic, Cranberry & soda, Virgin Margarita, ice tea.....
Have your family support you but not drinking along with you.
Habit habit habit is one of the factors along with the genes.
They say it takes 21 day to break a habit, so try try & try to get through the next 3 weeks with softdrinks.:twothumbs
Best of luck in your endeavour.
There is nothing wrong with NOT drinking when everyone else is.
Light Sabre
Enlightened
I only read about 1/3 of the messages and thought that I would share my experience with alcohol. The first thing that happened was that I got caught drinking and driving (DWAI). This was something like 8 years ago. I had to do EVERYTHING that the system told me to do. 16 hours of alcohol classes over 2 saturdays, 24 hours community service. Basically 24 hours of free labor for the city and I had to pay $60 to do that. I had to appear in court and plead guilty, pay fines and court costs. Since it was my first time, I hired a lawyer to help reduce the damage, only got a $100 reprieve since it was my first time. All in all it cost me $1100. Here in CO with the new laws in effect, it can now cost you ~$10K getting caught drinking and driving. The blood alcohol content is now .08% for a DUI and .05% for a DWAI. Not much at all. Getting caught drinking and driving never ever comes off your driving record, even if you move to a different state.
Mind you that at the end I was only drinking 3.2 beer and not many of those per day. When I quit drinking cold turkey I eventually went thru the DT's. For 2 days I FELT EVERY SINGLE HEART BEAT. The first night when I tried going to sleep, when I closed my eyes I saw either a kalidascope of twirling boxes or dancing clowns in addition to every single heart beat. The 2nd night I experienced all the above plus hearing IM's on a computer that was turned off. Hearing every form of bells, whistles, door bells, that you can imagine and it's hard to explain, but they were all kalidascoped as well. I thought that DT's only happened to people who drank heavily every day. When I went to my doctor, he said that it wasn't the quantity of alcohol consumed, but having alcohol in your system every day. He put me on Anabuse and another med and it all went away in a couple of hours. Those were 2 days of PURE HELL for me. I have never been to AA, so I can not comment on what that experience is like.
I do not want to experience either of the above events ever again, so for me it is rather easy to stay away from alcohol. Since each person is different mentally, emotionally, and physically we would all experice the desire for alcohol and withdrawal from it each in our own way.
Mind you that at the end I was only drinking 3.2 beer and not many of those per day. When I quit drinking cold turkey I eventually went thru the DT's. For 2 days I FELT EVERY SINGLE HEART BEAT. The first night when I tried going to sleep, when I closed my eyes I saw either a kalidascope of twirling boxes or dancing clowns in addition to every single heart beat. The 2nd night I experienced all the above plus hearing IM's on a computer that was turned off. Hearing every form of bells, whistles, door bells, that you can imagine and it's hard to explain, but they were all kalidascoped as well. I thought that DT's only happened to people who drank heavily every day. When I went to my doctor, he said that it wasn't the quantity of alcohol consumed, but having alcohol in your system every day. He put me on Anabuse and another med and it all went away in a couple of hours. Those were 2 days of PURE HELL for me. I have never been to AA, so I can not comment on what that experience is like.
I do not want to experience either of the above events ever again, so for me it is rather easy to stay away from alcohol. Since each person is different mentally, emotionally, and physically we would all experice the desire for alcohol and withdrawal from it each in our own way.
kelmo
Flashlight Enthusiast
I can relate. I'm a binge drinker myself. One is too many and ten is not enough. Next time you get the urge to drink, go for a run, lift weights, swim, etc,. etc., etc. The endorphin rush will take the edge off. After a couple of weeks you will notice a difference. And working out will help you sleep better.
For me when I go on a binge I close the loop slowly. Going cold turkey is way to hard on the body. Throttle back slowly before abstaining. But this takes tremendous will power.
Take baby steps, after having a drink, follow it up with a glass of water. Then a little later, two glasses of water. Sometimes it's just having a drink (water) in hand that makes all the difference.
Watch "Leaving Las Vegas."
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
For me when I go on a binge I close the loop slowly. Going cold turkey is way to hard on the body. Throttle back slowly before abstaining. But this takes tremendous will power.
Take baby steps, after having a drink, follow it up with a glass of water. Then a little later, two glasses of water. Sometimes it's just having a drink (water) in hand that makes all the difference.
Watch "Leaving Las Vegas."
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
brighterisbetter
Flashlight Enthusiast
I can't believe the overwhelming response I've received from my CPF brethren regarding this problem of mine, and for that, I'm more grateful than you even know. The skinny version - I've decided to take the first step and attend a local AA meeting close by to my home this coming Wednesday following my grandmother's funeral. I'm done for good drinking now. You were all absolutely right - for an addict (like me), there is no such thing as moderation. I don't have "cravings" like some addicts do so I'm at least thankful for that. But what I do have is the inability to stop once I've had a couple. I'm one of those "all or nothing" type of personalities regarding alcohol at least. Once I've tasted one or two beers, I'll drink till I break stuff and throw fits and make an asshat of myself. There is no in between for me. Yes I do have a past that I try to suppress and all the alcohol seems to do is bring it to the surface. Like the old saying "drink when you wanna remember, not when you wanna forget". Absolutely true in my circumstance. And like others posted above me, I come from a long line of males in my genealogy who were alcoholics and that sickness killed a few of them including my own father (liver scerosis).
I'm a beer guy through and through, don't touch the hard stuff or wine. But if I can't handle myself and alienate those around me, then I need to be a "no-beer guy" from now on. I'll keep you all updated as I make progress and am very grateful for the support you've shown thus far. CPF is a magical place.
One of of the biggest foreseeable problems for me is that I know with certainty that without beer in my life, I'll turn into a recluse all over again - subliminally thinking that either I can't have a good time, or others wont find me as enjoyable, without a few beers in my system. That college attitude is what I need to move past. I need to learn how to enjoy the company of others and not need to pop a Xanax whenever I have to attend a family function or BBQ or whatever. The balance between those extremes is what I seek the most. I wanna be able to enjoy the company of others and engage in friendly witty conversation without having an inclination to GTFO at the first opportunity in sight.
It's so weird; I'm the most sociable person in the world in the workplace, both on and off phone. But when I come home, I alienate myself to the basement to avoid social interaction with my brother and his live-in girlfriend. I like her, and consider her as a sister to some extent, but I also hate knowing that she passed judgement on me both verbally and silently when I've been drinking. Mostly since she's the "newest addition" to the household so to speak. My bro knows me all to well but still recognizes I have a problem. But when she points out in public how embarrassing I am associated comments, all it does is feed the fire and he understandably takes her side cause she's sleeping with him. Hey, I get it. But come on. Should I stay in this environment and help him split the mortgage payment, or should I move out on my own and avoid social criticism and the presence of alcohol altogether? That's partly why I'm here, and why I'm attending the AA meeting Wednesday.
Thanks all for the direction so far.
I'm a beer guy through and through, don't touch the hard stuff or wine. But if I can't handle myself and alienate those around me, then I need to be a "no-beer guy" from now on. I'll keep you all updated as I make progress and am very grateful for the support you've shown thus far. CPF is a magical place.
One of of the biggest foreseeable problems for me is that I know with certainty that without beer in my life, I'll turn into a recluse all over again - subliminally thinking that either I can't have a good time, or others wont find me as enjoyable, without a few beers in my system. That college attitude is what I need to move past. I need to learn how to enjoy the company of others and not need to pop a Xanax whenever I have to attend a family function or BBQ or whatever. The balance between those extremes is what I seek the most. I wanna be able to enjoy the company of others and engage in friendly witty conversation without having an inclination to GTFO at the first opportunity in sight.
It's so weird; I'm the most sociable person in the world in the workplace, both on and off phone. But when I come home, I alienate myself to the basement to avoid social interaction with my brother and his live-in girlfriend. I like her, and consider her as a sister to some extent, but I also hate knowing that she passed judgement on me both verbally and silently when I've been drinking. Mostly since she's the "newest addition" to the household so to speak. My bro knows me all to well but still recognizes I have a problem. But when she points out in public how embarrassing I am associated comments, all it does is feed the fire and he understandably takes her side cause she's sleeping with him. Hey, I get it. But come on. Should I stay in this environment and help him split the mortgage payment, or should I move out on my own and avoid social criticism and the presence of alcohol altogether? That's partly why I'm here, and why I'm attending the AA meeting Wednesday.
Thanks all for the direction so far.
Last edited:
Awesome! Go for it. Give the AA people a chance, they've all been where you are. You do need to talk with them though.
I can relate to the feelings of alienating, I drank to get out of my own head, and feel comfortable, I wasn't sure what I'd do without a few (cough, cough) beers each evening.
Give it time, there's alot to do out there that doesn't involve drinking, and remember this... everyone is entitled to their own opinion of everyone else!
On another note, take a good multivitamin and some B-complex supplement everyday, it helps take the edge off.
I can relate to the feelings of alienating, I drank to get out of my own head, and feel comfortable, I wasn't sure what I'd do without a few (cough, cough) beers each evening.
Give it time, there's alot to do out there that doesn't involve drinking, and remember this... everyone is entitled to their own opinion of everyone else!
On another note, take a good multivitamin and some B-complex supplement everyday, it helps take the edge off.
dom
Enlightened
Good stuff BiB - that's the spirit
Can't help you with the social side as i'm pretty much a recluse myself - used drink
to socialize but of course that doesn't work.
I'm pretty happy with my own company though - everyone is different.
Give yourself a chance and you'll see soon enough what you'll put up with
as everything is much clearer without the fog of alcohol.
I know exactly what and who i'll put up with now and have never for a second
regretted my life changing choice.
All the very best to you and good luck.
Cheers
Dom
Can't help you with the social side as i'm pretty much a recluse myself - used drink
to socialize but of course that doesn't work.
I'm pretty happy with my own company though - everyone is different.
Give yourself a chance and you'll see soon enough what you'll put up with
as everything is much clearer without the fog of alcohol.
I know exactly what and who i'll put up with now and have never for a second
regretted my life changing choice.
All the very best to you and good luck.
Cheers
Dom
Nornlights
Newly Enlightened
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2010
- Messages
- 3
This is going to sound cruel perhaps, however do you not think that an outsider can often point out the obvious more quickly than someone closer to you who's maybe unwilling to tell you the whole truth.
You need to be honest with yourself and ask is her criticism justified? Can you use it as motivation to improve your life?
Good luck and remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.
dealgrabber2002
Flashlight Enthusiast
deleted. been mentioned already.
Last edited:
I totally empathize as you described me during my final days of drinking.
I would only drink 5-7 times per year but to excess every time, I am an asshat sober so you can only imagine me under the influence.
I had the same feelings in social situations and still at times prefer to be alone but the trick is to learn to love yourself sober not caring what others think. Those who matter will see the good in you especially when you see it and let it out, you may actually lose some acquaintances but perhaps they were not in your best interest.
It has been over 15 years for me and I did not do it alone, it was support from close loved ones, prayers, and divine intervention.
I did not go the 12 step route as I saw my cousin suffer when he would stumble, ah that is an important thing if you do stumble do not beat yourself up just pray and get back up. So prayers and positive thoughts for you.
I now enjoy sitting around with others who drink and have zero desire to want to partake. You will reach that point no doubt.
