I have a problem with alcohol...please help

[scout24]

Big steps, BIB... hang in there. The best part of not drinking, for me, in a social situation, is watching the asshats that other people become... and knowing I am not one of them. As far as other people go, having passed judgement, is that they have passed judgement on the old you, and it helps to think that they have some things they would like to change as well. I think almost everyone does. As long as you can look in the mirror every morning, and be happy with the person you see, and the choices you have made, everything else will fall into place. Be well. You have chosen the right path. :twothumbs

 

[PhotonWrangler]

I know a fellow who's been sober for many years now, and part of his attitide that carries him through the day is this: He's allergic to beer. Whenever he has some, he breaks out in handcuffs

 

[M@elstrom]

I know a fellow who's been sober for many years now, and part of his attitide that carries him through the day is this: He's allergic to beer. Whenever he has some, he breaks out in handcuffs

That is an interesting point of view to have :thumbsup:

I'm glad you've made the decision to seek help with this Brighterisbetter, over the years I've seen many individuals who drunk until they were permanently demented with significant brain damage & I tell you this is not something you'd wish on your worst enemy

 

[3rd Degree]

I can't believe the overwhelming response I've received from my CPF brethren regarding this problem of mine, and for that, I'm more grateful than you even know. The skinny version - I've decided to take the first step and attend a local AA meeting close by to my home this coming Wednesday following my grandmother's funeral. I'm done for good drinking now. You were all absolutely right - for an addict (like me), there is no such thing as moderation. I don't have "cravings" like some addicts do so I'm at least thankful for that. But what I do have is the inability to stop once I've had a couple. I'm one of those "all or nothing" type of personalities regarding alcohol at least. Once I've tasted one or two beers, I'll drink till I break stuff and throw fits and make an asshat of myself. There is no in between for me. Yes I do have a past that I try to suppress and all the alcohol seems to do is bring it to the surface. Like the old saying "drink when you wanna remember, not when you wanna forget". Absolutely true in my circumstance. And like others posted above me, I come from a long line of males in my genealogy who were alcoholics and that sickness killed a few of them including my own father (liver scerosis).

I'm a beer guy through and through, don't touch the hard stuff or wine. But if I can't handle myself and alienate those around me, then I need to be a "no-beer guy" from now on. I'll keep you all updated as I make progress and am very grateful for the support you've shown thus far. CPF is a magical place.

One of of the biggest foreseeable problems for me is that I know with certainty that without beer in my life, I'll turn into a recluse all over again - subliminally thinking that either I can't have a good time, or others wont find me as enjoyable, without a few beers in my system. That college attitude is what I need to move past. I need to learn how to enjoy the company of others and not need to pop a Xanax whenever I have to attend a family function or BBQ or whatever. The balance between those extremes is what I seek the most. I wanna be able to enjoy the company of others and engage in friendly witty conversation without having an inclination to GTFO at the first opportunity in sight.

It's so weird; I'm the most sociable person in the world in the workplace, both on and off phone. But when I come home, I alienate myself to the basement to avoid social interaction with my brother and his live-in girlfriend. I like her, and consider her as a sister to some extent, but I also hate knowing that she passed judgement on me both verbally and silently when I've been drinking. Mostly since she's the "newest addition" to the household so to speak. My bro knows me all to well but still recognizes I have a problem. But when she points out in public how embarrassing I am associated comments, all it does is feed the fire and he understandably takes her side cause she's sleeping with him. Hey, I get it. But come on. Should I stay in this environment and help him split the mortgage payment, or should I move out on my own and avoid social criticism and the presence of alcohol altogether? That's partly why I'm here, and why I'm attending the AA meeting Wednesday.

Thanks all for the direction so far.

OK..I hope I can say this right so you can understand me..Here goes...

Humans are very complicated creatures. Addictions, be it alcohol, drugs,
sex ect, are only one of many reasons we do destructive things in our lives. Often you will find that the things we think we are addicted to are not the root cause of our problems. Many times they are just a symptom of a deeper neurological issue.
I applaude you for admittting you have a problem and trying to take steps to fix it. But, you must make sure you are taking the correct steps.
You can not solve a problem fighting the symptoms!!
I say this because many of the things you said above... a past you try to suppress... turning into a recluse.. can't have a good time.. others wont find me enjoyable.. needing a xanax to deal with family.. alienated and avoiding social interaction.. are all signs ( along with others ) that you see in someone who is clinicaly depressed or (potentialy) bi-polar. None of these taken alone are a problem, But, taken together, along with the alcohol, it becomes a cause for concern.
So, in closing, I ask you...please...see you local mental heath services.
If there is nothing wrong you have only wasted a doctors visit and can continue with the AA program knowing you are only fighting the alcohol.
But if there is an mental health issue then you have found the root cause of your problem. If you are depressed or have another mental issues, AA alone will never stop your destructive behavior. Always remember...you can't win a battle until you know who to fight!!!

 

[scot]

Hi brighterisbetter, love your post, and congratulations on your decision.
I've spent many years abusing alcohol, but the truth is alcohol wasn't my problem, Scot was. Alcohol was just a symptom of me being uncomfortable in my own skin.
Alcohol worked for me for a lot of years, then one day it stopped working!!!

There are many good roads to recovery, AA being just one, yet it's one that I heartily endorse.

AA does for me what alcohol used to do, it just takes a little longer, but it's more enduring!!

PM me any time,

I'll keep you in my prayers,
Scot

 

[sfca]

A good practice to incorporate into your life is mindfulness (or being present).

Every time you feel your mind wandering to thoughts of past or future, or when you can grab a drink bring your attention into the now. Here's a good quote, "It is important to understand that thoughts lead to impulses, and impulses lead to action (behavior)."
When you "feel" judged bring awareness to where you are. It is important to not live too much in the head, and more in the body. Remember it is you that is feeling judged! To illustrate, you can also "feel" judged even when nobody is judging you.

We must remember that we are in control of our mind and emotions, not the other way around. This is a habit we've all gotten into and it's a simple matter of remembering a better way to live and getting back in the habit.
Also, don't put limitations on yourself.
1) You limit yourself by believing you can't be happy alone.
In fact if you can't be happy alone - you'll never be happy! Only if we can enjoy the company of ourselves can we enjoy the company of others.

2) Don't limit yourself by excluding AA. It might not work for everyone, but may it work for you? Why not see for yourself? AA is free and you're free to leave whenever you wish. So what's the harm?

3) Don't limit yourself by saying no to counseling. If you don't have anyone you're comfortable with speaking about this that's fine. Accept it without labeling it as "bad" and realize it doesn't mean it'll be that way forever - you have the power to change this.
But if this is the case why not consider counseling. All psychologist and counselors offer the 1st session free.
You're free to find one that you are comfortable with - but never put limits on yourself and life.


Lastly, I just want to remind you that you gotta give everything time. Be open to it happening in a month, 2 months, 8 months, a year or 2 years. Without counting time you don't stress yourself out and one day you're going to wake up and realize you haven't drank in long long time.

Edit: excellent resource for subconscious thinking/self-talk. Renowned psychologist/hypnotist in Vancouver. If you can't decide which MP3, just pick one they're all good.
"Be More Positive" is a newer one and one that I'd recommend. Read the FAQs

 

[andyw513]

That's a big step to take in admitting you have a problem brighterisbetter, and I congratulate you for it. It's great you turned to friends you already knew as well, and I know that you can conquer this battle because you know what it is. Reading your story really hit home with me because I'm facing a slump in my life at the moment too, not with addiction, but with financial and legal worries, and I turned to my friends here for help as well.

I'm not an expert on what to say to help you, but I just want you to know that I'll try to help any way I can, and I'm sure everyone else here will too. We're all pulling for you, good luck!

 

[brighterisbetter]

Well I took the first step. I attended my very first "closed" AA meeting this past Monday and did a follow-up BigBook meeting the next day. After a round of testimonials of which I took part, I realized there are so many others out there who are way worse off (or more progressed I should say) with the illness than I am. I'm carrying around the 24-hr coin and plan to stick with the program for a short while as the people there are genuine; I just don't personally see the need to go every single night. Maybe once or twice a week will suffice. Sober date is October 14, 2010. A close female friend of mine who has been a sponsor herself is leading me through the process of taking the BigBook and Twelve Steps seriously, and I intend to do just that. I know it's only been a week so far but I already have zero cravings for alcohol other than when I'm bored (ie. watching the game on TV and feel like a beer). Then I remember the saying "1 is too many, 20 is never enough" and the coin in my pocket.

I'll update the thread as I feel the need to. Thanks again everyone for your outpouring support as I trudge through this. Especially those of you who've sent PMs (you know who you are :bow: )

 

[CarpentryHero]

I'm proud of you, keep moving forward.

My motherinlaw just celebrated 7 years sober.
Since she's quit if feels like she's a whole person.
AA works, a united we stand approach. She goes once or twice a week. She told me taking calls from
others helped that first year too.
I have faith in ya, keep it up

 

[hank]

Recommended by a friend who made it back from the edge:

http://www.sff.net/people/bblongyear/saintmaryblue.html

Hard cases:
http://sff.net/people/bblongyear/yester.html

 

[RAGE CAGE]

lots of good advice here...I have had similar issues for years and have found a lot of thoughtful and insightful ideas in this thread. Switched from draft to more pricey bottled microbrews the cost alone is lowering consumption and I am enjoying taste as opposed for looking for the effect. That and keeping a glass of water or lemonade nearby and I can stop with 1 now when that never used to happen before.

 

[hank]

> others wont find me as enjoyable, without a few beers

I doubt that's true.

A friend of mine quit drinking after losing his driver's license, and for a while continued to go to the same places with the same people but just not drink.

His comment -- after a few drinks, people _thought_ they were enjoyable and clever, but to him, sober, they were a lot less enjoyable. And his conversation was going right over their heads, they couldn't follow his thinking or even get his jokes.

He realized he was missing a whole level of enjoyment -- that of people who, sober, were clever, enjoyable to be around, and happy.

He went and found them. They're out there.

 

[Mike20]

I've had the same problem.
Quit 14 years ago when a major calamity caused by drinking forced me to try AA. Some say 90 meetings in 90 days-and I practiced that. Needed that and more. To my surprise prayer helped me tremendously. Pray. And continue to ask for help.
Just one more thought, as we sober up we find a need to share very intimate things with others. You might [will] be better off having a male to turn to for some of this.

May God be with you.

 

[Essexman]

You have the support of many more people than you would think.

For every one person who writes a reply here in this thread, there msut be 100's maybe 1000's reading this and wishing you well in their minds.

Well done that man, keep it up.

 

[NonSenCe]

nice to hear an update. hang in there.

 

[GPB]

I've heard people say that if you drank every day, you should go to meetings every day, for a while at least.

I congratulate you on your week of sobriety.

Two things in your post set off alarms when I read them.

1. "There are so many people there worse off than me..." That's a dangerous thought process. It will lead to..."my drinking problem wasn't THAT serious...." which will of course lead to " well I can have a few...." which leads to "Well I can still get drunk once a month..." Listen to the stories at the meetings. Let the ones about people who go out and never make it back scare the living crap out of you.

2. You said you'd "Stick around for a while..." There is no while...there is today. One day at a time. Don't drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, the office Christmas party...anything other than today. Don't drink today and be grateful when you go to bed that you made it through the day without a drink. Worry about tomorrow when you get there.

I sincerely wish you the best. Only about a third of people who seek help get sober. Many more end up dead or in an institution. The odds are against you and will will have to work for this.

If you put in the effort and things work out however, you will find that you can enjoy things at a level never before imagined. Your relationships will become stronger, your self confidence and self esteem will soar, and you will generally become comfortable with yourself. As hard as it is, it is absolutely worth it.

 

[geepondy]

Boy Greg, your words are so true, especially the last paragraph. I guess the younger you realize this the better off you'll be but it can never be too late.

 

[leeholaaho]

You only have to quit one

THE NEXT ONE!!!!!

TAKE CARE

 

[1 what]

"Sober date is October 14, 2010. "

Fantastic news.....keep up the good work!:thumbsup:

 

[Notsure Fire]

That's why I never even took it up. Be strong.