I have a problem with alcohol...please help

[brighterisbetter]

I have a problem with alcohol **Progress Update**

Ok for the first time in I don't know how long, I've finally admitted I have a problem with alcohol and comsumption. My family, my closest relatives at least, tell me I should seek help in the form of counseling. I'm finally ready to accept that fact, finally after a long battle with my genes. I know that's not a legitimate excuse no matter what I say but here I am expressing my problem to CPF nonetheless, and I'm seeking help from my CPF brethren anyway. If anybody has any suggestions as to handle alcohol in moderation, please advise me. I'm not quite ready for the counseling step but in the future who knows. I just need a helping hand. Here I am with a sibling visit and I'm pissed off, not wanting to talk to anybody but I'm on CPF wanting a counseling session. How pathetic is that?

**PROGRESS UPDATE** Post #48 http://www.candlepowerforums.com/vb/showpost.php?p=3568356&postcount=48

 

[csshih]

Bruce,
It's not pathetic, you just want advice from a big group of friends that you've known for a pretty long time (and we can be very understanding), and we are here to help! I'm sorry I don't have any meaningful advice to give you, but I sincerely hope you'll get this issue of yours fixed!

Now, on the silly side.. every time you reach for that bottle, think of it as a possibility you're going to lose a light when disoriented.. that's a scary thought!

Good Luck!

 

[sfca]

AA is your friend. If you've got a branch near you that's the best way to start.
It's not counseling; you're with people just like you, with the same problem as you, and you're accepted not blacklisted for your "problem". How bad could it be?

First, why don't you sit down in a nice, quiet place and contemplate, ruminate about your reasons for drinking. Write it down - this is a must.

Meditation is a good way to go. If the reason for drinking is the past or an unbearable present (whether it'd be in the form of bad job, or anxiety, etc), or fear of the future: meditation will help greatly.
It's about being here in the now, not thinking or wanting something else. Acceptance of the only moment we ever have - this moment is the way to happiness, fulfillment, contentment, all we desire.

It may be hard to grasp at first - but all suffering is self-created. Knowing this, how do we drop it? I think the saying goes, how do you drop a hot piece of coal? You just drop it!

Go buy (buying is a commitment to read) The Power of Now. Simple, easy to read book. This is a book I'd recommend to everyone.
Any spiritual or self-help book, the simpler it is the more it fulfills it's intentions. I used to scoff at those who read books like these, man am I lucky I gave it a chance. Great, great read.
He explains Buddhist and Taoist ideas in a way that's easy to understand and certainly palatable to a Christian audience.

 

[sfca]

Oh one other thing. Don't make this into a problem. Think of it as something you'd like to change about yourself.

Like someone with an interest in art would take Art classes, or one interest in self-discipline would take martial arts, you want a new lifestyle free of alcohol - and you're putting feelers out for solutions.

Making it into a problem may turn into resistance. Don't resist, just accept and pay attention only to the step you are taking at this time.

 

[sigsour]

I have had a drinking problem for over 10 years now and you know what I did....I prayed. I don't want to sound like a preacher but once I recognized that I had a problem that is what I did. I have lost all desire to drink and I feel fifty times better. Now I need to pray real hard to loose weight.
The hardest part is recognizing that you have a problem now; find support either through friends, your church, or through AA. I will pray that you can conquer this.

 

[smfranke]

It's ok to put some of the blame on your genes. Seriously.

The only advice I can give is to not drink at all. Forget moderation. Don't have any. Don't buy any & don't keep any in the house.

Good luck,
Shawn

 

[was.lost.but.now.found]

If anybody has any suggestions as to handle alcohol in moderation, please advise me.

I'm not aware that this is possible. If you are truly an alcoholic then you have formed an addiction to alcohol. There is no moderation of an addiction. I was addicted to cigarettes and I can never again smoke cigarettes, cigars, or chew tobacco again. It's simply the way it is. Once you are ready to give it up forever then you are ready, and only you can make that happen. I truly wish you the best in your recovery.

 

[bjs55]

the 12 steps have helped alot of people

 

[sfca]

I have had a drinking problem for over 10 years now and you know what I did....I prayed. I don't want to sound like a preacher but once I recognized that I had a problem that is what I did. I have lost all desire to drink and I feel fifty times better. Now I need to pray real hard to loose weight.
The hardest part is recognizing that you have a problem now; find support either through friends, your church, or through AA. I will pray that you can conquer this.

Prayer of course. How did I forget about that?

 

[BatteryCharger]

It's ok to put some of the blame on your genes. Seriously.

The only advice I can give is to not drink at all. Forget moderation. Don't have any. Don't buy any & don't keep any in the house.

Good luck,
Shawn

I have to agree with this. My grandpa was an alcoholic, my dad was an alcoholic, and the rest of my family is, well, irish or german....as such I have a tendency to soak up alcohol as well.

For me, "moderation" just doesn't happen. I either drink or I don't drink. I have to tell myself "no, not tonight" all too often. When I start drinking, one is not good enough...two makes me feel a little better...three and things are starting to get fun....four....now I'm tired and my buzz is starting to wear off...better chug another 2....I have another beer left...no reason to leave just one right....might as well finish that off too.

I don't think it's a bad thing to get drunk every once in a while, as long as you're responsible about it, but I had to stop. When the lady at the grocery store stops carding you, because she know's you're there every day to buy beer, that's when you have to sit down and think about how much you're consuming...

 

[entoptics]

Start drinking later in the day. If you normally have a beer at 5PM wait until 8PM.

Alcohol is truly physically addictive, so cold turkey is brutal as with any other substance. If you can back down a few notches over a few weeks, cold turkey will be much easier.

This may not be politically correct advice, but perhaps never drinking again isn't good for anyone either. Ideally, you should try to learn the self control necessary to only drink when it's worth it, and trim away all those drinks that are "killing time" or "nothing better to do right now".

As an aside, Penn and Teller suggest that AA is no better than going it alone, and maybe worse. I haven't rigorously fact checked, but the scientific and statistical evidence that AA is effective is pretty scarce. Anecdotal evidence abounds of course.

Keep in mind though, this is coming from someone who can't take his own advice.

Good Luck. :thumbsup:

 

[get-lit]

Maybe I have something to offer here. I believe that if you stopped drinking, you would be surprised how people around you begin to see you differently and start to have whole new respect for you - not because you don't drink, but because of the positive but subtle side effects in yourself from not drinking.

A best friend of mine is a bartender and he always drank a lot. He just got his 3rd DWI and he can't drive. I drive him to work sometimes, and also to alcohol counseling. This past six months is the first time I've not seen him drink. I've seen a whole different person grow out of these six months of not drinking. Now he's more involved with people on a deeper level than just the night life. He's much easier to relate to and more engaging to talk to. Essentially, he's become a more interesting individual from the point of view of the people around him. Now there's a reciprocal positive dynamic among him and the people around him.

He always knew drinking was a problem for him, and he always freely admitted it. He just liked it way too much, but now that he hasn't drank in so long, he likes other things just as well, and he doesn't care to drink anymore. He's become more engaged in his other interests and hobbies, and even his responsibilities, and now it's all more rewarding for him than drinking. He doesn't have any reserve in telling anyone about counseling, because he sees it as such a positive thing after a few decades of drinking it up all of the time.

Once you admit it's a problem, and you can't quit on your own, there's no shame in getting a bit of help. Whatever it takes is worth the real benefits, no matter how eventual they are - they are definitely worth it. Forget about worrying about things like your pride in getting a bit of help. It takes a much stronger person to reach for a bit of help than to do nothing.

It's all about the rewards of drinking versus not drinking. When drinking, you become blind to the rewards of other things in life. Therefore, the more you drink, the more that the rewards of other things in life are overshadowed, until eventually there is no desire to stop drinking. The rewards of those other things are always there, you just have to stop drinking to see them. Once you see can see things from the other side of the bottle, the rewards of other things will surprise you. Kind of like that feeling of when you get over the flu. It just feels really good.

Beyond that, look around at what's going on in the world lately. That should be a wake up call. Definitely don't want to have your head in the clouds with the bottle. Gotta buck up and get on your game brother.

 

[cgonko]

You have already completed the most difficult step: honesty with yourself and others. I don't know you, but know that so many are beside you now.

 

[Rexlion]

Getting together with some people who have been (or still are) where you are, and talking, is a great help. And having the advice of folks who have helped many, many people in that situation is priceless. The group support to cheer you on and provide a little "peer pressure" incentive is great, too. This isn't something to tackle alone; why do that when such great resources are available to you? I'm talking about AA. It will do all of the above and more.

They aren't there to condescend or judge. They're there to "have your back" and help you. Please, please go see them. You won't regret it.

My dear old Uncle Clarence had the same issue as you. He joined AA and it helped him immensely. He always felt the group was invaluable to him.

I think you want to forget about trying to drink "in moderation". When I was a teen my dad would always tell me that if I drank alcohol because I liked the flavor, I didn't need more than one or at very most two; but if I drank it because of how it made me feel, I was drinking for the wrong reason and I already had a problem. So as a practical matter I avoided having more than one drink; at two drinks I could start to feel a bit lightheaded (never built up any tolerance from exposure to it, as you can see). That became my measuring stick, and I've passed the same advice on to my kids.

It takes more courage to change than to do anything else in life. You have taken a big step and admitted some of the truth to yourself. I believe you have a desire to change, and I believe you can do it. But it's sooo much easier to do it with support from others than to do it alone. So please check out AA, ok? They have way more experience at this than flashaholic friends! Although we're glad to do what we can, too.

 

[Flashlight Aficionado]

There are some really good posts here with great advice. I have only a small thing to add that was hinted at.

Do not PERMANENTLY join any AA type places. The reason is, it is a constant reminder that alcohol exists and you can't have it. Go there for moral support to stop drinking. Find hobbies and things to do. Replace AA with the hobbies/activities. You will then forget that alcohol exists. And the few reminders will be easy to let fade into the background.

EDIT: This is after you have successfully stopped drinking. It doesn't work while trying to quit. :END EDIT
If you ever have to have a drink, buy an expensive single bottle. Tell your family you want to share a very special drink with them. You only have one glass. You have to drink it very slowly and enjoy every drop. No gulping or sipping while listening to others.

I do this for food. I am not fat, but I had a close call, 20 lbs overweight. I try to ignore my cravings, which usually works. (I have hobbies/activities) But when it doesn't, I give in on purpose. So I did not fail, I just let myself enjoy a slice of life. I make sure I enjoy every bite like it is my last. By doing that, it is like eating a weeks worth of crap. I end up quite satisfied with almost no cravings afterwords.

Good luck! I know you can beat this.

 

[737mech]

My habits sound like they used to be a lot like yours. I have undergone out patient re-hab, and attended many AA meetings. I had a hard time accepting the fact I was an alcoholic. I mean cmon, I didn't have to drink to make it through the day or stash bottles all over the house to sneak drinks. My problem was that when I drank (usually at least 2-3 times a week) I would drink WAY to much. What would start as "I am only gonna have one or two beers" usually ended up in a night long binge of beer and shots and tons of cigaretes. For me its all or none. Meaning I can't control my drinking at all once I start so moderating my habit was not an option. I had to quit completely. I don't currently attend AA because thats just not for me. In the 2 years I was in the program I did learn a lot and it definately helped me get to my sober point now. Quitting drinking completely was hard. the hardest thing ever because I was so used to having a beer or toddy at any occaision like a family BBQ, going out to dinner, or watching the game on Sunday. It was hard but I was determined and now I couldn't be happier. I have decided my life and health is way better without alcohol. You will find out who your real friends are thats for sure. One suggestion I will make is at first don't put yourself in situations where everyone is drinking. Peer pressure can be a real *****. If I can do it you can do it!

 

[BatteryCharger]

One of the things you need to do is sit down and think "why am I drinking right now?"

Is it because you're bored? Because you're sad? Because you're pissed off? Are you "partying"?

You have to fix the reason why you're drinking. Find something else to do. Let's face it, being an alcoholic is simply an expensive hobby. Find a different expensive hobby, start spending your beer money there. It will probably be more enjoyable, and you won't wake up with a hangover.

Personally, part of me finding something else to do besides drinking is why I've been spending a lot more time here lately. This is really a good group of people. And all you weirdo's are making me spend my beer money on LEDs and batteries!

Don't let anyone fool you, it's not easy. But do you really want a liquid bossing you around, taking your money, and making you fat?

 

[BatteryCharger]

Another point worth making, there are medications available to help reduce your cravings for alcohol. I was on something a few years ago, I forget the name, but it is something that is given to alcoholics. That's not why I was using it, but, I did notice right away that my cravings to drink were much, much less. I noticed this before I went online and read about the drug and found out that it is also prescribed to alcoholics...

Even a temporary prescription for an anti anxiety drug can help when you really really want a drink but know you shouldn't.

 

[Mike Painter]

Ok for the first time in I don't know how long, I've finally admitted I have a problem with alcohol and comsumption. My family, my closest relatives at least, tell me I should seek help in the form of counseling. I'm finally ready to accept that fact, finally after a long battle with my genes. I know that's not a legitimate excuse no matter what I say but here I am expressing my problem to CPF nonetheless, and I'm seeking help from my CPF brethren anyway. If anybody has any suggestions as to handle alcohol in moderation, please advise me. I'm not quite ready for the counseling step but in the future who knows. I just need a helping hand. Here I am with a sibling visit and I'm pissed off, not wanting to talk to anybody but I'm on CPF wanting a counseling session. How pathetic is that?

If you are an alcoholic there is no moderation.
There is no "some day I'll just stop."
There are no drugs.

If you are a typical one there is no rehab program. You will tell them what you want to hear and get out early.

I have a lot of friends who are alcoholic, but have been dry for years or decades.
They give AA the credit.

After a few years with a friend of mine I see the absolute value of a 12 step program and why those steps are there.
You need to find somebody who will not listen to your bullshit reasons why you started again, or why you haven't stopped.

His is that it is a religious operation and as they will tell you that is BS. You must admit to a higher power but it can be the pet rock you got as a kid.

Be sure and get your liver checked often. There is a point beyond which nothing can save you and you will not be eligible for a transplant. If you are told l you have a year it will be right on the money and the last few months will be hell for you and yours.

 

[Monocrom]

Ok for the first time in I don't know how long, I've finally admitted I have a problem with alcohol and comsumption. My family, my closest relatives at least, tell me I should seek help in the form of counseling. I'm finally ready to accept that fact, finally after a long battle with my genes. I know that's not a legitimate excuse no matter what I say but here I am expressing my problem to CPF nonetheless, and I'm seeking help from my CPF brethren anyway. If anybody has any suggestions as to handle alcohol in moderation, please advise me. I'm not quite ready for the counseling step but in the future who knows. I just need a helping hand. Here I am with a sibling visit and I'm pissed off, not wanting to talk to anybody but I'm on CPF wanting a counseling session. How pathetic is that?

I know what I'm about to post is not going to go over well, but . . .

Okay, if you recognize that you have a genuine problem; there's no method that allows you to drink in moderation. There just isn't one. I know it's an extreme example, but you don't see a person using crack in moderation. The only time you see a crackhead doing just a bit of crack is when he's really low on funds and hasn't had a chance to hustle or steal to feed his addiction.

An addiction doesn't just mean having a strong craving for something. It goes beyond that. Your brain gets to the point where it convinces itself and your body that you truly need what you're addicted to. Just like you need food, water, oxygen, etc.

It becomes a genuine need. Those who have been successful in getting help for their alcohol problems, they know that they can never take another drink for the rest of their lives. Not if they want to stay sober. While their addiction is no longer a need, traces of that need will always stay with them. If they take even one drink, it can trigger a relapse.

One of the most unfortunate examples is that of a young woman who was horribly addicted to heroin. She shot up for years. She wanted to get clean. With the help of her family, she did. And she was clean for over 5 years. Was doing well. Had a very good job in a bank. Hard worker. Liked and respected by all her co-workers. One day, she had to go for a physical as part of her job-requirement. After the appointment, she disappeared for a few days. When she finally called her mom, she said that when the doctor stuck that needle in her arm; that was it. It triggered her addiction all over again. She went out, and started using. By the time the cops tracked her down, she overdosed.

If you're truly addicted, you honestly can't indulge in moderation.