Long distance friendship help.

Wife has this relationship and they usually called each other to talk once to twice a month. E-mail about the same to keep up. This had been going on for for a handful of years and was going well she thought. Come late April her friend expressed life was getting stressful with the kids and hubby.

Early on they had promised each other they wouldn't hide things and if either said anything out of line...it would be cleared up. Since April, wife had left messages, e-mail to find out how she's been...no response. She tapered back and called once each month. End of July she's becoming concerned since it has been silent. After a heartfelt message basically saying, I'm worried, just let me know you are ok...call or send an e-mail. Simple she thought, nothing still. She called her hubby at work about not hearing from her...can you just let her know I'm thinking of her. She thought he seemed kinda different too.

Next day an email pops in that is written very weird. Wife tells me ya gotta read between the lines but this one sentence is really odd for her. She writes back and it is responded within hours. That e-mail says...I might have time to talk to you in Sept. Wife is WTF is that?!

We had been planning a trip to visit them expressly in October and that message was a total put-off. This isn't a jump in the car trip but a 2 hour flight connected to 13 more hours on a plane. This isn't a last minute detail to take care of.

Thoughts?

Go with your gut.

Cancel the trip for sure since making plans and purchasing tickets seems very high risk as this point. Send the friend email, letter, or phone call that you'll have to cancel the trip for now until clear, consistent, communication is established. Either your "emergency" response to cancel will be ignored or they'll quickly contact you in an effort to salvage the plans.

The trip is a pressing issue so wipe that load off your shoulders asap. It sounds like the prime stress inducing situation at this point.
All the other issues can be worked out over time if there is still a two way desire to do so.

My sister in law had a relationship like this dissolve also for no apparent reason other than just "life happens." They were best friends for decades, the other gal got married and sort of just drifted away. There was just no more effort on the friend's part, even though my sister in law is married with two kids of her own, and always made an effort to stay close. If there's no will, there's no way.

Last but not least, if you believe in God, pray for the friend and her family. They could be having marital problems or some other situation that is either too embarrassing or to emotionally stressful to share right now.

Good luck with this one, sounds complicated.

Tough one....because there's always that small chance that something is indeed wrong.

However, this sounds a bit like a male trying to solve a problem when the female (your wife's e-mail friend) is simply looking to vent.

I've lost count at the number of married women I've run across in either my corporate contract work or pt time job in a bar that go on and on about how their life/hubby/kids are making them miserable. They paint the scenario of the significant other as being a horrible monster and how they'd pick up and leave if they could.

Then hubby walks in the door with a couple adoring kids and he's the nicest guy in the universe.

My gut is that the 'friend' in this case was simply looking to vent to somebody, and that she's closed up because women typically do this to friends when they try to focus on family issues.

Sounds to me, her friend looks bit more depressed than a woman with usual happy/silly complaint. She looks like having mental or financial problem of some sort that causes her act that way. And that problem of hers may be desolved at september? Got scammed? bankrupted? health problem? issue with her hubby guy? or that emotion fluctuation that she can't control? We don't know what it is, yet.

People, especially females, usually have a secret or two to keep only inside him/her even if they didn't want to do so. But that's something she has to deal with, and that shouldn't impact on you guys. And that's what doctors and counsellers are for.

I think you should call the plan off for a while till you guys figure out some idea on what made her act that way.

Trying to figure these out is about like gambling, the odds are against you. I would wait and see. Could be serious, could be nothing. No way to know. I wouldn't spend a nickel until I knew. Your intuition will guide you.

Ummm, why doesn't someone just call them and ask WTF is going on...instead of trying to read smoke signals?

The trip maybe the reason things have changed, something that she wants to hide, it could be her husband is abusive, or as others have said financial, she may just be worried that she won't measure up in so way, either real or imagined.
Keep the comunications channels open.
Norm

Thanks guys. She saw her last October and it was typical...the good-bad and usual life dealings. Something changed which will remain a mystery. Wife feels pretty shut off and her friend isn't going to disclose the problem. We'll hang tight and work around the trip.

RA40 said:

Thanks guys. She saw her last October and it was typical...the good-bad and usual life dealings. Something changed which will remain a mystery. Wife feels pretty shut off and her friend isn't going to disclose the problem. We'll hang tight and work around the trip.

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The "friend" shows signs of being afraid to talk. My gut feeling is some kind of abuse.

Not a lot you guys can do, but "I might be able to talk in Sept" screams a lot of domestic violence to me.

I would wait for the next bit of communication and hopefully it would help to shed some light on something. From there though, there isn't a lot that can be done except call the local authorities in the area to give them a warning.

The guys I work with at the Dept. deeply hate every man who would harm a woman mentally or physically. It would be something these guys would really like to look into. If things get worse, or the weirdness continues, don't be afraid to call the PD in her town to tell an investigator your worries.

The only people who can tell if something is wrong are the people close to the victims. You have a responsibility to communicate what you know.

LuxLuthor said:

Ummm, why doesn't someone just call them and ask WTF is going on...instead of trying to read smoke signals?

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+1

bltkmt said:

+1

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They did I do believe.

Wife does call and sends emails...ignored except for that brief exchange. Until this friend says otherwise...we just have to wait. One other person who knows this gal said it seems normal.

RA40 said:

Wife does call and sends emails...ignored except for that brief exchange. Until this friend says otherwise...we just have to wait. One other person who knows this gal said it seems normal.

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It's odd behavior. It doesn't reflect the way a normal, happy person would act.

Unless she just woke up and cut her ties, most people would suspect something.