Things I Learned From The Movies

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

I learned this from a TV program in the 60's:

Make sure you're not wearing a red shirt if you want to stay alive.

All phone numbers start with 555 prefix.
Your car is the only one that is visible on the road at any given time.
Gun's always shoot blanks, only small charges are placed on whatever they intend to hit to give the illusion of a bullet bouncing off of it.
All spacecraft have gravity on them, so you never float around.
A high powered anti-aircraft gun can be built using your main pistol, and a few spare parts. (Okay, so they do in my comedies at least. Look at the Naked Gun series)
No matter what the situation, or how outnumbered or deadly it looks, the main leading character always finds a way to live.

Not really learned from the movies, but while at the movies: popcorn and a pop will cost more than the movie itself, even if the movie was just released in theatres.

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When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

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A varient of this is:
When in the woods or any outdoor scenario, their is always a hill from which the characters must emerge that always has a bright white backlight. (No matter how dark or remote the location)

Also, they must stand silhoeted at the top of that hill for at least 5 seconds before coming into scene.

Even the crappiest flashlights they have can throw like a spotlight and all have a clicking sound when they turn it on even though most of them have a twisty.
Flashlights will cease to work at the precise moment before the lurking bad guy will decide to attack.
Flashlights will resume work as soon as you hear the dramatic music that signals an important discovery.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

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Not really learned from the movies, but while at the movies: popcorn and a pop will cost more than the movie itself, even if the movie was just released in theatres.

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Here in London the mark up on popcorn at the cinema is 800%!!!

naromtap, that was about the funniest thing i've read in long time. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Here's some i can think of:

-Real cops never wait for backup.
-All criminals are expertly trained to shoot police, etc. only in the upper arm or thigh.
-All cars are designed to hesitate starting when an axe weilding psychopath is at the window.
-Grey and black are the only clothing colors that will be available in the future
-All spys are utterly unrecognizable with a simple wig or costume change (think Alias)
-The proper way to end a telephone call is to just hang up without saying goodbye
-Spys and evil criminals must wear tight leather Armani outfits
-The best computer hackers are 15 year old boys who just happen to have $50,000 worth of equipment and a hacking lair in their parent's house
-Expensive pistol ammo clips are supposed to be ejected on the ground and left there.
-And the #1 thing i've learned from movies, Never, ever, ever, use Common Sense.

-In movies, Hackers almost always use a program with a graphic interface to crack systems.
-At night, outside, it has always JUST stopped raining.
-ALL gunshot injuries are exit wounds.
-The sound of thunder travels at the speed of light.
-There are no doctors named Biff.

hmmm...I thought all gunshot injuries were "flesh" wounds.

-when someone is shot, they just lay down and expire instead of gurgling, moaning, and flopping around.
-a petroleum tanker or military helicopter can easily be blown up with a good pistol shot
-in a street fight, it usually only takes one punch to make your opponent collapse and lay down in total stillness
-when a vehicle breaks down, it only takes a quick underhood adjustment to make it run like new again
-middle-age white guys are just no good for anything and are the likely perpetrators of most heinous crimes
-kids are much wiser than their parents

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14C said:
I learned this from a TV program in the 60's:

Make sure you're not wearing a red shirt if you want to stay alive.

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Red shirted guys (preferably with stoic faces and no gold braid on their sleeves) have a purpose. They show you how the monster works.

Whenever somebody points a pistol at somebody, there is always a cocking sound no matter what kind of gun it is. If dramatic tension is ratcheted up several times during a scene, there will be another cocking sound for each higher level, whether the gun has been fired or not.

When somebody gets stabbed, there is a metal-on-metal sound as the blade goes in, and again as it goes out.

When there is a big explosion in the distance, the boom reaches your ears instantaneously.

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Sub_Umbra said:
-The sound of thunder travels at the speed of light.

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This is true on most TV shows too. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon15.gif

In order for martial artists to fight each other they must have someone just out of eyesight whacking the hell out of a naugahyde covered couch with ping pong paddle.

Edit: what the heck is a ping ping paddle anyway?

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14C said:
...snip... naugahyde covered couch ...snip...

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Save the Naugas /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

When ammunition is fully expended in a semiauto pistol, the slide never locks open, and the pistol continues making the "out of ammunition" click sound as if it were a revolver.

Even though it is the 24th century, you can dodge a laser shot and the enemy can't be targeted "outside of visual range".

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Anyone with a pin can open the most complex lock or handcuffs.
A shot to a bad guy always has priority; a shot to the main character never has it.
The bad guys have multiple lives (in average, they can die twice before really succombing), the main characters have infinite lives.

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naromtap said:
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

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Corollary: In a haunted house the slutiest girls will die first, the sole virgin will be the only one to survive.

On every single flight, every airplane crashes or has major mechanical problems (engine fire, loss of control, etc)

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tygger said:

-Expensive pistol ammo clips are supposed to be ejected on the ground and left there.


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Another mistake fostered by movie scripts. A clip is a piece of spring steel used to load ammunition into a firearm that contains a follower and a spring (think M1 Garand). A magazine has a self contained spring and follower. You have never seen a clip used in a pistol.