MongoMadness
Newly Enlightened
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2005
- Messages
- 43
I had the driveway sealcoated yesterday. Around 10:00 pm last night I hear lots of noise outside. This isn't typical as we don't usually hear noises inside the closed house unless tresspassers are lurking on our property...
I investigate. I identify about 8 neighborhood kids running amock through several of the neighboring yards - MINE INCLUDED!
They appear to be playing flashlight tag and the little monsters are running over my newly sealcoated driveway! My first response is to head down to the basement armory and rid the neighborhood of these pests. On my way to the gunsafe I remember that I may have a less lethal option available.
I grab a Surefire M6 flashlight in each hand. I sneak out into the yard and hide in the shadows. When I spot the first victims across the street hiding in a culvert I steady my aim. When they get up to move I press the button on one light and the fury of the sun is unleashed upon them. They are frozen in their tracks - unable to move. I feel a warm sensation running down my legs. I don't know what combination of bodily fluids I have just spilled. What I do know is that I should have gone outside at night with these babies a long time ago. Finally my victims drop back to the ground - their retinas surely screaming in agony. I think I hear a voice whimpering, "I want my Mommy."
As I try to suppress the cackle that I feel rising from within I extinguish my portable sun and move to a new location. When the victims attempt to move about a minute later I repeat the process. They immediately drop and cover their heads under their arms. They do not move again.
I run around the back of the house to secure my rear deck. In the event that these vagabonds attempt to take me from both sides I want to prepare the area for my final assault. I sneak around the other side of the house to gather intelligence on the troop movements on that side of my safe house.
When I'm reasonably convinced that I won't be flanked I move back towards the other side of the house. I wait quietly in the dark. My previous victims have either managed to stumble away in the darkness or were reduced to ashes where they lay. A bead of sweat gently rolls down the hair on the side of my head. I wonder whether their eyes might be bleeding. I realize that I won't really know the effects unless I gather more data. The smell of napalm seems to be wafting through the air...
I spot several other victims across the street and down a ways. As they move towards my driveway I drop them to their knees with the light from a single M6. These scavengers are outclassed, outgunned, and outsmarted - I know it and they know it. I smell the sweet stench of fear intermixed with the napalm. They can't get close enough to me to identify their target because my light-sabre is VERY long. They can't get close enough to even shine their puny flashlights on me. I feel the power of the Dark-Side flowing through my every orifice.
I spot my final victim moving up towards the house. He looks to be older and appears to be rushing my position. I feel a fleeting moment of pity. Then I unleash the twin furies. He is stopped in his tracks. He is completely disoriented. He tries to find cover behind a nearby Spruce tree. He is having trouble locating it and has to do it by feel - ouch. I continue to illuminate the location and can see him shivering in shock even through the branches of the mighty Spruce. Once I am convinced that he won't be getting up anytime soon I run around back and sneak into the house.
The sounds outside are gone. The vagrants have been vanquished. I see that they have decided to huddle together thinking that somehow the light won't hurt them if they stick together. They are mistaken.
I wait in the dark - they go home to their Mommies. The smell of napalm gradually recedes. I reload my flashlights with $18 worth ($1.50 x 12) of new batteries. I am looking forward to my next game of flashlight tag! If they decide to get welding helmets I may need to upgrade my lights. I just bought an ACRO x990 HID in case!
Do you think I have a problem?
I investigate. I identify about 8 neighborhood kids running amock through several of the neighboring yards - MINE INCLUDED!
They appear to be playing flashlight tag and the little monsters are running over my newly sealcoated driveway! My first response is to head down to the basement armory and rid the neighborhood of these pests. On my way to the gunsafe I remember that I may have a less lethal option available.
I grab a Surefire M6 flashlight in each hand. I sneak out into the yard and hide in the shadows. When I spot the first victims across the street hiding in a culvert I steady my aim. When they get up to move I press the button on one light and the fury of the sun is unleashed upon them. They are frozen in their tracks - unable to move. I feel a warm sensation running down my legs. I don't know what combination of bodily fluids I have just spilled. What I do know is that I should have gone outside at night with these babies a long time ago. Finally my victims drop back to the ground - their retinas surely screaming in agony. I think I hear a voice whimpering, "I want my Mommy."
As I try to suppress the cackle that I feel rising from within I extinguish my portable sun and move to a new location. When the victims attempt to move about a minute later I repeat the process. They immediately drop and cover their heads under their arms. They do not move again.
I run around the back of the house to secure my rear deck. In the event that these vagabonds attempt to take me from both sides I want to prepare the area for my final assault. I sneak around the other side of the house to gather intelligence on the troop movements on that side of my safe house.
When I'm reasonably convinced that I won't be flanked I move back towards the other side of the house. I wait quietly in the dark. My previous victims have either managed to stumble away in the darkness or were reduced to ashes where they lay. A bead of sweat gently rolls down the hair on the side of my head. I wonder whether their eyes might be bleeding. I realize that I won't really know the effects unless I gather more data. The smell of napalm seems to be wafting through the air...
I spot several other victims across the street and down a ways. As they move towards my driveway I drop them to their knees with the light from a single M6. These scavengers are outclassed, outgunned, and outsmarted - I know it and they know it. I smell the sweet stench of fear intermixed with the napalm. They can't get close enough to me to identify their target because my light-sabre is VERY long. They can't get close enough to even shine their puny flashlights on me. I feel the power of the Dark-Side flowing through my every orifice.
I spot my final victim moving up towards the house. He looks to be older and appears to be rushing my position. I feel a fleeting moment of pity. Then I unleash the twin furies. He is stopped in his tracks. He is completely disoriented. He tries to find cover behind a nearby Spruce tree. He is having trouble locating it and has to do it by feel - ouch. I continue to illuminate the location and can see him shivering in shock even through the branches of the mighty Spruce. Once I am convinced that he won't be getting up anytime soon I run around back and sneak into the house.
The sounds outside are gone. The vagrants have been vanquished. I see that they have decided to huddle together thinking that somehow the light won't hurt them if they stick together. They are mistaken.
I wait in the dark - they go home to their Mommies. The smell of napalm gradually recedes. I reload my flashlights with $18 worth ($1.50 x 12) of new batteries. I am looking forward to my next game of flashlight tag! If they decide to get welding helmets I may need to upgrade my lights. I just bought an ACRO x990 HID in case!
Do you think I have a problem?
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And welcome to CPF! (Fantasizing MaxaBeam in one hand, Beast in the other, X990 slung, USL clamped in one armpit, and M6R in the other. I am 
