Groaner

[turbodog]

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all
assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states,
"I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news." Of
course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope
tells them, "Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of
judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified."

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up,
asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, "He was calling from
Salt Lake City."

 

[kongfuchicken]

A man goes to see a lawyer; he asks:
"How much do you charge?"
"I demand $1000 for 3 questions."
"Wow! Isn't that a little stiff?"
"No, now what's your third question?"

 

[turbodog]

A restaurant called an potato supplier and asked for 100 lb of
their biggest potatoes.

The supplier said "sorry, we don't cut up a potato for anybody".

 

[turbodog]

Hope you enjoyed them!

 

[bindibadgi]

There was an American, a German and a Scottsman in a bar, drinking beer. Suddenly three flies just dropped in their drinks.

The American scooped out the fly, flicked it away and kept on drinking. The German did the same.

The Scottsman put down the mug, got a steak knife, and extremely carefully pulled the fly out and laid him on the bar. The he said "alright you little bugger, cough it up!"

 

[UncleFester]

If you came upon a lawyer and an IRS agent both drowning in the river and you only had time to save one of them, would you read a newspaper or go watch a movie?

 

[pjandyho]

I would watch them drown...

 

[MoonRise]

A woman opens her freezer door and sees a rabbit sitting in there.

Shocked, she says "What are you doing in my freezer?"

The rabbit says "This -is- a Westinhouse refrigerator-freezer, isn't it?"

She answers "Well, yes it is."

And the rabbit replies "Well, I'm just westing."

 

[PhotonWrangler]

A guy walks into a bar.

He holds up a dog's mess and says "look what I almost stepped in."

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