I just can't find a woman for a date

[jhereg]

I am 39yrs old now. I haven't date for over 10yrs. I am wary of approaching women in bookstore because they might think I am some weirdo or stalker.

I am also wary of sexual harrassment lawsuit. Women seem to exploit the law to for their personal agenda. I had been turned down many times that I am at the point of giving up.

I am not bald like my avatar. I have full head of hair and still fit with decent six pack on my abs too. Yet, women want something that I can't figure it out. If they are looking for kinight in shining armor, they should travel to disney world and post a large sign: looking for shining knight in armor to sweep me off my feet. I heard of adage that there is match for every person in N. America but I have to disagree with that statement.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their opinions in helping me out.

I'd recommend doing what I did. Get on match.com (or one of the other services) & put up a profile. Do some searches for exactly what you are looking for in a woman & just send them a wink. Start chatting via email w/ the ones who respond. Eventually they may offer you more contact info, they may quit talking to you, or you may decide to ask them for more info. What's the worst thing that will happen? You will spend your money & not get a date.

 

[Sub_Umbra]

I really hated dating. One thing to consider which I forgot to mention is that there are many ways to meet people and find out more about them without going on a date. Some of the things mentioned like the chruch groups and nearly any kind of volunteerism will put you into situations where you can meet people and talk with them and possibly even work with them for a while before jumping in and asking them on a date. I think that people are sometimes easier to evaluate in low key settings. You can certainly rule some people out just by talking and watching them interact with others.

I would consider the idea of just trying to put yourself into situations where you have a better chance of meeting and interacting with women on a casual basis. Then as you get to know more about the individuals you meet it won't seem as risky to ask one out once in a while.

Of course, this is coming from a social leper.

 

[raggie33]

i gave up on women they always want my coupons

 

[taiji]

i gave up on women they always want my coupons

LOL, that's great Raggie.

But seriously Picard, everyone talks about the women. Let's start with you. You are tall, good looking and fit right? And I bet that you have a smile. Use it more often. I am so-so in looks and really short but I can get girls to notice me because I smile at them. That makes things easier. Try this.

 

[Radio]

Is there a cultural barrier here? Your speech pattern is strange for a native of the US. Are you actually located in the US?

 

[Illum]

I am wary of approaching women in bookstore because they might think I am some weirdo or stalker.

I am also wary of sexual harrassment lawsuit.

Modern dress attire is primarily based on sex appeal over professionalism..

.So, Same here Picard, I have the problem also...and im only hitting 19
Their appearance will bring a sensation, a sensation will bring urge, and when you can't control the urge, then you would have to choose abstinence...no qualms there we are certain.

Teenage girls have a tendency to dress and emphasize the sex appeal, then they wonder why people would commit sexual harassment...

I heard of adage that there is match for every person in N. America but I have to disagree with that statement.

I dont think that the theory can be proven right or wrong...
Be I would believe that certain matches will take a lifetime to find.

-Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else. [font=&quot]


[/font]

 

[picard]

I am living in Canada eh. I am a short Chinese guy 5'6". However I am very fit and healthy guy. I do dress in the latest bespoke clothing but I have zero luck with women. I found out that worse looking guys can get any woman for a date yet I have no success at all. :shakehead

I don't brag about my income or job title with the women. They always ask about how much money I earn in a discreet manner. Women questions seem to lead to the money issue. They want to know if I am financially stable. Dating scene is more complex and cumbersome nowadays compare to my grandparents generation.

 

[dragoman]

Hate to tell you, but any woman who is considering dating/long term with you will want to know how much money you make/have. It is a question of security for them, a wealthy man is a good provider.

However, it is not the only thing they are looking at. Most women look at the way a man lives with what he has. If you are not rich, but live cleanly and keep a nice place, that will go a long way. Also, you mentioned you are very fit.

Where do you work out? Alone? If so, consider joining a gym or exercising in a public place. Women who work out are often interested in men who do so also, so a public gym or health club is a good place to meet such. (Plus, flexing a 6-pack in public is a good way to get at least some females to notice you.)

The main thing is that you have to talk to them. Screw up your courage, approach a woman you find attractive, and start a conversation. Most of the other guys around you will be too chicken, and women like that. I'm not the best looking guy in the world (5'10", 220 lbs of decent shape, but a little pudgy) but I can talk to anyone. Am I nervous? Sure!! But so is she.

It is a cliche, but the worst thing she can say is "No."

Hope I helped...

dragoman

 

[tvodrd]

I decline to take up shuffle board! (Though I did play some Bridge in college.) Like I'm going to post "Flashlight freak with a machine shop in his garage" on some dating service? Yeah, right! If it happens, it happens. Meanwhile, good things come to those who wait. (I hope! :green: )

Larry

 

[twentysixtwo]

What city are you in?

5'6" isn't really short - 50 %ile is 5'8" and I'm 5'10" and am considered tall. Anyways, being short won't be an issue unless you let it affect your confidence. I know a guy who's 5'3 and has girls all over him - he's average in looks and dress but genuinly a considerate, honest kind of guy who smiles a lot.

Hard to give many tips without knowing your situation, but being comfortable with yourself helps. Might be easier to meet women wearing nice jeans and a sweatshirt than a suit.

 

[LowBat]

i gave up on women

Perhaps if you didn't try to guess their age.

 

[Lee1959]

Treat them as humans, not some scary indecipherable other species, even if they are. Talk to them, not at them, ask opinions and above all listen to what is said. Nothing kills a conversation like lapses in attention. Do not try to impress them with your intellect or abilities, no one likes to be made to feel inferior. Do not push a relationship, let things progress as they progress, pushing in this day and age can feel like stalking.

 

[winny]

From my very rudimentary experience (I'm only 21), I have come up with a solution. I wouldn't say it's perfect but it looks good on paper at least.

Learn to like your life as it is. Two good things will come out of this:

1. Even if you don't find a woman, you will still be happy with your life.
2. Your chances of finding a woman will increase.

That said, you certainly don't have to stop looking for someone just because you are happy the way it is. A relationship would just be a bonus. I wouldn't call it an easy solution as it requires a lot from yourself. I have not managed to do this myself yet but I'm working on it.

Just my 0.02 lumen...

 

[greenLED]

You'll find the best chicks at church.

That's how we use to "round'em up" in my high school years. My wife actually chose me, and didn't let go until I said "yes".

 

[mobile1]

Ok here is my take on it.

THINK DIFFERENT
First things are always the way you think they are. The way you think influences the way you appear which leads to things being the way you think. So if you think day are just interested in money then you will especially notice every single thing that has to do with money even though it was never meant that way. Ever bought a new car? Ever noticed how suddenly so many more people drive the same car or with the same color. Perception is everything and negative perceptions will make you appear bitter and negative.

TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE
The goal is not to do something so you get a date. Be brutally honest in a positive way (every negative trait can be positive just a question of how you look at it). From that perspective every person is beautiful. Now if you fail to describe this in your online profile, hire a copy writer at elance.com to write a kick a?s real profile of who you are. Most people anyway want people that are similar to who they are. When you go on a date tell them how you feel (that you are nervous, its your first date whatever). Brutal honesty builds trust and lets you know immediately if you are wasting your time. However honest doesnt mean being rude or hurtfull etc... just who you are.

VALUES
Then most important think about what your values are (profile etc). Talk about what is important to you and what is not important to you, how important is money compared to job, compared to family. For someone who puts money first, then job and then you, you don't wanna date anyway unless you have the same value ranking. The secret to a great partnership is having a partner who has the same value priority - really important. You can save yourself a lot of headache. Find out whether your list matches hers.

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Most people don't know what they want, but then are disappointed when they get something they don't want. Write down what you exactly want. Give it some time and you will get it. Dont waste time with what you don't want.


HAVE THE COMPETITION HELP YOU
Oh and if you don't get a date, post a top female profile on one of these services, and see the responses you get from guys - to kind of get an idea of the competition out there and how you measure up - then you might see what you need to change, or do differently to compete.... Or ask female friends which of the responses you get appeal to them..


....of course much more to write.... but that should do it for a starter... GOOD LUCK!!

I met my wife at the Atlanta Airport... we were both on a flight to Switzerland....

 

[zespectre]

Decent places to meet women
-Volunteer work
-Bicycle clubs
-Hiking clubs
-Dancing clubs (I don't mean nightclubs, I'm talking about "swing dancing" groups or especially polka groups... don't laugh, there are a lot to total hotties at polka dances!)
-Grocery store can work, but only if you run into the same lady 2 or 3 times.

Places that tend to suck (in my experience)
-Bars (initial meetings lubricated by alcohol are risky in my book)
-Beaches

'course it depends on what you are looking for. Potential long-term material or a quick hook-up.

 

[Illum]

I am living in Canada eh. I am a short Chinese guy 5'6". However I am very fit and healthy guy. I do dress in the latest bespoke clothing but I have zero luck with women. I found out that worse looking guys can get any woman for a date yet I have no success at all. :shakehead

I don't brag about my income or job title with the women. They always ask about how much money I earn in a discreet manner. Women questions seem to lead to the money issue. They want to know if I am financially stable. Dating scene is more complex and cumbersome nowadays compare to my grandparents generation.

Pure Asian blood here...6'2
not exactly fit...nor fat...
I dress in the professional attire, plaided collared shirt...black belt, black pants, chained pocketwatch, executive stainless steel pen...save the cross training shoes...
To them I seem invisible...but attracted to the white kid [no offense] with the cobalt blue mohawk and the tongue ring...

came in as an outsider [legal immigrant], forever an outsider...but in this forum we're all family...
:grouphug:

Murphy's Laws..

• Walter/Kerwin Law: Any good looking person you see that isn't alone, will be accompanied by a person of the opposite sex who doesn't deserve to be with them. :scowl:

• Seduction law: Your seduction potential is inversely proportional to your willingness to seduce. The most intelligent statements will be thought of at the most inappropriate times. (i.e. during a make out session, strike up a law of Quantum physics, thus demonstrating that you are not interested in the other person).:huh:

 

[jhereg]

The women want too much from the men. They want really tall guy, earns very high income, look like brad pitt etcc... I never seen any of the guys on those sites manage to get a date with any woman. Are women too choosy? There are many of them over 45 yrs old but never found a guy. What the heck are they looking for anyway?

You just think they want that. There are lots of women who want a good guy they can trust. Someone who is honest and cares for them. They generally want a guy who likes himself, has confidence and treats them right. Money only matters to a certain point if you find the right woman. If you are looking for golddiggers then, yeah you need to be a millionaire, have 6 pack abs & drive a sports car to overcompensate.

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Places that tend to suck (in my experience)
-Bars (initial meetings lubricated by alcohol are risky in my book)

I agree. You're not likely to meet a quality person in a place where your feet stick to the floor.

 

[Tooner]

I'm no expert, that's for sure. There has been some good advice in this thread. But reading what you have said and doing a little reading between the lines, I can't help but come up with a few conclusions.

Sounds like you don't have an actual problem meeting women. It sounds like when you do meet them that you are failing the examination. So you have to take a hard look at yourself and figure out what you are doing wrong. This won't be easy and it definitely won't be pretty.

We have established that you're not as ugly as sin. Not that that matters. I don't know why women date men. We are generally an unattractive lot, with disgusting habits. Fortunately for us they do though. You see drop dead gorgeous women with ugly guys every day. So that is not your problem.

Women are a generally lot more practical than we guys give them credit for. Yes there are some gold diggers out there. But for the most part when they are asking in a round about way what your salary is they are not gold digging. Remember these are adult women that have been around the block. They have already dated the bad boy. They are not looking to be "rescued". They have their own careers and don't want to be supporting some loser. They aren't looking so much for a fat wallet, as they are for a guy that has a decent job, and is stable. This is just good sense. That they inquire about your finances is proof of their interest in you as a potential mate. If you fail on this exam, game over.

Why on earth would you be afraid of a sexual harassment charge? If you like your job, no fishing from the company pier, period. And unless you are really a weirdo asking for a phone number at a bookstore is not going to land you in court.

That you even make these types of statements leads me to believe that perhaps you have some old fashioned ideas about women. Ranting that all women want is to be rescued and so on, is kind of like a crazy person thinking he is the only sane one and everyone else is nuts. I truly mean no disrespect here, but the problem is not the women. And as a friend, I would tell you that you better figure it out, or be prepared to live alone for the rest of your life.

I told you it wasn't going to be pretty.