Seriously folks, tips on telling the inlaws?

[greenLED]

Best luck!

A public place, that's a great idea.

 

[TedTheLed]

this is probably too little too late, but; have nothing to do with the parents.

unless you want a fight.

the choice is yours. you didn't tell him before there's no good reason to confront him now. if she wants to tell him, let her in her own time and way..

 

[Diesel_Bomber]

Well, it went better than I expected. FIL refused to come, no surprise. MIL got all teary and was happy we'd gotten married, no hard feelings at all about not being told ahead of time. She only asked if it made us happy, and when we replied that oh yes it did, she said good and left it at that. We discussed the FIL with her, and she's just not going to mention anything to him. Have a pretty good headache, gonna go to bed. Thanks for the advice, everyone.

 

[Diesel_Bomber]

Just typed a long response, hit post, and got "The server is too busy." Lost everything. Just don't have patience for this right now. I'll re-write it(in Word!) later.

Cheers all, and thanks again. :buddies:

 

[Sigman]

Just typed a long response, hit post, and got "The server is too busy." Lost everything.

Sometimes hitting the "back" button will bring your text back up...

If you're using the WYSIWYG editor for posting - try the "redo" arrow and that may bring back lost text...

or of course as you've stated - word processor/notepad/wordpad...

 

[Lightmeup]

If I'm writing a long post sometimes I'll just do a control C on everything to save it in the buffer in case something screws up. Pretty easy insurance.

 

[Luna]

and CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MARRIAGE! "majQa'," as Klingons would say (it means "well done").

I don't think I'd listen to a Trekkie when it comes to how to deal with anything that pertains to women (inlaws included) :nana:

 

[Luna]

If I'm writing a long post sometimes I'll just do a control C on everything to save it in the buffer in case something screws up. Pretty easy insurance.

Don't do that. The text isn't in the clipboard (an object its) so if IE locks, you lose it. If you paste it to notepad before submit, it is ok

 

[Diesel_Bomber]

Ok, I'm back, feeling better and in a much better mood. Yes, I'm typing this in Wordpad.

Sigman-

I'll try the Undo button, where is it? I'm not finding it. I did try clicking "back" with no dice. Usually I copy everything to the clipboard before clicking submit. Thanks!

All-

What I, alone, would do is just forget the FIL exists. I quit taking him into consideration when making plans or decisions years ago, back when the wife and I were just seeing each other. Not going out, not living together, certainly not married. I wouldn't bother telling him we got married; we didn't tell him when Jess moved in with me, he found out the day he came to visit and got thrown off my property. I won't bother caring when he finds out we've gotten married. I refuse to let his unhappiness effect our lives. He might as well not exist as far as I'm concerned.

HOWEVER...................the wife takes a different view. She does care what the FIL thinks(obviously not alot or I'd be out in the cold) and insisted that we at least tell the MIL. I can understand that, the MIL is cool, I really do like her, we get along well. Thankfully the MIL is intelligent and wise and said she'll handle it, and probably just won't mention it to the FIL at all. She's invited to the BBQ this weekend, the FIL is not.

Thank you, everyone, for your help. I'm sorry to drag all of you into the drama and BS in my life(two things I've worked hard to structure my life without.).

Thanks again. :buddies:

 

[LifeNRA]

There is another way to look at this.

In my case I knew that my FIL did not care for me. I still have no idea why he did not like me. Like your case, my mother in law loves me. Unfortunately he died a couple of years ago and my chance to really ask him is gone. In fact he was my wife's step-dad and to be honest she never cared for him in a real loving way. <- Too much to go into.
But I still knew that he had raised her as his own since she was 7 or 8. And taking that into account I thought he had the right to know that his daughter was getting married. I think we owed him that much.
I told him face to face and he just walked away. I was just a 19 year old skinny kid and to be honest I was very nervous. He could have just as easily knocked my head off. But I knew that I had to face him.
My mother in law did ask that we not live together until we were married. I respected this and to be honest I had no plans on doing so. I do not believe in it. That was the only concern that her Mom had and I would assume it was a concern of his as well.
He did not come to the wedding and my brother had to give the bride away. So his hatred of me ended up hurting my wife more.
Eventually I just stopped talking to him unless I had to. I never treated him bad and tried not to talk bad of him.
My mother in law did tell me after he died that he had grown to like me and respect me but that he was too proud to tell me. I was glad to hear this.


None of us know your exact situation so it is very hard to give advice without being in your shoes. Do what your heart tells you to do but do not let anger replace common sense. He is still her Daddy and she will always have a love for him no matter what she says.

 

[Lightmeup]

In my case I knew that my FIL did not care for me. I still have no idea why he did not like me. Like your case, my mother in law loves me. Unfortunately he died a couple of years ago and my chance to really ask him is gone.

I told him face to face and he just walked away. I was just a 19 year old skinny kid and to be honest I was very nervous. He could have just as easily knocked my head off. But I knew that I had to face him.

He did not come to the wedding and my brother had to give the bride away. So his hatred of me ended up hurting my wife more.
Eventually I just stopped talking to him unless I had to. I never treated him bad and tried not to talk bad of him.
My mother in law did tell me after he died that he had grown to like me and respect me but that he was too proud to tell me. I was glad to hear this.

Situations like this amaze me. Neither you, your wife, or your MIL have any idea why this guy HATED YOUR GUTS. There was no indication of disapproval by him to you from the second you met him; he just hated you for no apparent reason. And the fact that his wife was clueless about it is even more bizarre. Just unbelieveable.

 

[Diesel_Bomber]

LifeNRA-

I'm hoping for some sort of reconciliation; I'd like to get to know my FIL. I KNOW he's not a bad person. Like I've said, my MIL is intelligent, wise, and wouldn't have married the guy, nor stayed with him, if he was a total loser. I'm hoping he'll feel the same way about his daughter and try to get to know me. I've been no less than completely civil and polite towards him, even though he's been intentionally insulting and condescending every chance he gets. I'm sorry your FIL's dislike of you caused your wife grief, I can definitely empathize.

Lightmeup-

Dunno what to tell you there. If I could read minds I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now. I could make a couple guesses as to why my FIL doesn't like me, but they'd be no more than that.


Cheers all. :buddies:

 

[LifeNRA]

Situations like this amaze me. Neither you, your wife, or your MIL have any idea why this guy HATED YOUR GUTS. There was no indication of disapproval by him to you from the second you met him; he just hated you for no apparent reason. And the fact that his wife was clueless about it is even more bizarre. Just unbelieveable.

I wish I knew what the problem was but I don't. I think some people just like being miserable.