HELP: A bad case of the blue's/Pathetic rant about life.

- 21 years old.
- Zero income.
- Never held a real job.
- No high school diploma or GED.
- Limited college education.
- Living with my muthr in her apartment.
- Terribly unconditioned and out of shape.
- Intellect seems to be dulled.
- My memory is terrible.
- I have a lot of trouble with math/algebra/etc.
- I don't seem to know much about anything.
- Been feeling easily overwhelmed for awhile now.
- Don't have even so much as a bank account in my name.

Lately I've been running into old friends who are on their way thru college, pregnant, married, etc. My family is getting quite tired of me. I feel like I make a bad impression on basically everyone I meet due to my lackings/short-comings (Hi, I'm Ryan. I have no job and live with my muthr!). I'm 21 years old and in nearly the same position in life I was in when I was 16. I'm feeling like a failure (everyone else in the family has basically been on their feet @ 21 years old).

I need a way to get out of my muthr's apartment and on my feet pronto... but... I feel like school is out of the question since my intellect has become so dulled and my math skills are probly worse than a freshman high school level. Then I also feel like a job will be difficult since I have barely anything to add to a resume. And I'm probly pickier about employment than I should be.

Can anyone recommend something to possibly jump-start me and get me into gear?

I need to recondition myself and get into shape. I need a real source of income. I need a place of my own. Etc. It seems almost impossible with my current situation.

Thanks if anyone can give me some advice, speak from experience, or just generally lecture me about being young and stupid. I'd appreciate it. If you have any questions I can answer them with 89% honesty. I really don't have anyone to lecture/guide me in my life, so it's more challenging to find outlets and sources of learning than one would expect.

- Ryan

P.S. For anyone interested about my illness, it was depression, panic/anxiety disorder, and asthma. The combination overwhelmed me and really took a chunk out of my life. If you have any friends or relatives suffering from something similar, please try not to take it/them lightly.

P.P.S. This is supposed to be a positive post! Really! It might sound gloomy and whatever but I had to provide my background so everyone could get a sense of where I'm coming from.

+!

dude



i can understand the panic/anxiety disorder thing. I know because i suffer ( or used to suffer from) panic/anxiety attacks and have been hospitalized and wrongly diagnosed as to have a heart condition.

these attacks are a thing of the past. How did i cure myself?



By NOT letting stress get to me, a lot of deep breathing and a LOT of planning of to avoid stress in the first place. I know this may sound like new age BS, but really, a lot of relaxing & deep breathing helps get me through the tought times.



I will let the other forummers adbise you on the other things you have there...

Join the military, prefereby the navy or some branch that will not ship you straight to iraq.

By the time you DO figure out what you want to do, you'll be close to 30 years old. By then, you'll be halfway to military retirement! Then you just hang on till age 41, and you've got lifetime healthcare and a pension.


This option addresses all your issues. It provides money, housing, physical fitness, motivation, camraderie, etc.

Moreover, the military will give you the skills needed to succeed in most ANY job. I know several employers that will hire ex-mililtary over most any other applicant.

Many of the things in your list can be changed, but there is a priority order to the changes that would make the following changes easier, since some of them are dependent on successfully eliminating the other.

If you have a community college in your area, it might be a good idea to pay it a visit and inquire about services from a counselor there. Show them the list, and seriously consider any advice they give you. They can advise you on how some things on your list are dependent on other things on your list.

Sometimes you have to resign yourself to the fact that what you want doesn't suddenly happen to you. You have to plan for it, and work toward it a bit at a time.

How much HS did you complete? Could you get a GED? It sure sounds like you could use a change of scenery. What is stopping you from getting a job? Why not at least start jogging everyday or something like that to get in shape?

mentle illness sucks always take ya medds if ya are supoed to.stoping em sudenly will be bad.i hope this is good adivice

Would you consider yourself overweight at all? Or just out of shape? Because you can definitely be skinny, but horribly out of shape. Either way, I seriously recommend that you start an exercise program. It is so incredible how exercising can boost your confidence, and your self esteem! Once you have that confidence, everything else seems to come much easier. If running is something you think you might enjoy, here's a link to an excellent beginning running program; it's the one that got me started:

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

The key is to take it slow and easy. The speed and endurance come with time! But you don't want to burn out, or injure yourself.

Seriously, try it out... once your pants start fitting better, and your appetite for junk-food and soda deminish, you'll feel better than you've felt in years!

-Allen

BBTL,

As others have said here, do actively participate in care for your depression, otherwise it feels like a leach sucking all your energy and concentration. Early twenties is a normal age that a lot of us begin to show symptoms, it's also a pretty stressful time in life.

Secondly, you don't want to burn bridges with your family. Your mother is a great resource to you right now. Without out knowing the details of the dynamics of your relationship with her, she probably needs to talking with a professional about how to be a good parent of a child with depression.

For yourself, make small goals and build your confidence by acheiving them (easier when in therapy). Sounds like some small goals in the areas diet and exercise, intellectual stimulation, socialization, etc. would make sense.

Without getting too confused over your future, probably your next big goal should be to get that GED. Otherwise is will probably come back to bite you on every job application.

Besides, it's winter time. There's less light and days are gloomy. I'm sure things will improve for you in a few short months. You are right about your post being positive, asking for advice and help is always a healthy thing to do!

Ryan,

All the things you mentioned feed off each other--either for good or bad. It seems as if you started a downward spiral a while back but it's not too late.


Excercising will make you'll feel more confident, which will lead you towards better job performance, which will make you happier, which will boost your motivation, which will boost your confidence, which will lead....you get the idea.



My suggestion: Get a piece of paper. Write down a list of what you would like to be doing in 5 years, 10, 15 and 20 years from now. These are your goals. Start thinking of how you want to get there and keep in mind that you will not get everything you want and you can't start at the top--that's just life.



#1--get a job. Part-time, full-time, whatever. It dosen't have to be the world's most amazing career; but as long as you're making money and you're not sacrificing your safety, then it's a start. Nobody I know really cared for their first few jobs. Many people I know don't care for their present job, but you have to start somewhere. It's a lot easier to get a different job if you're already working.


#2--spend 30-50 minutes every other day doing some physical activity. Ride a bike, go for a long walk, do some pushups, situps and basic exercises. You don't have weights--get two jugs of water. Do something! Once you've done that for a while, do it every day. That plus your new job (if it's physical activity) will do wonders in just the first few months.


#3--don't worry about higher education right now. Get on your feet and then think about your GED. If you try to tackle too much at once you'll get stressed-out, burned-out, give up and you'll be worse off than you are now.

A GED or equivalent is your starting base. You'll need this to do anything else, but don't stress out about "what next." I know a number of people without college educations that are doing just fine, so don't let education stop you. What's the point of going to school if you don't know what you want to do.


#4--think of what you like to do and what you're good at. These things are good indicators of what you'll be doing in the future. Many people have said "do what you love and the money will follow," and it may not be an absolute truth, but it works more often than not. Like to cook? Good with cars?




Try more times than you fail. Don't let a single setback keep you from trying again--that's the secret to success.

Hi Ryan:

First, let me say that other than an unusual way to spell mother ) ), you write very well...and I'm a professional writer. No one would ever guess from reading your post that you did not have a HS diploma or equivalancy.

The military suggestion is a good one. Many people who have been in similar situations to yours...not knowning which direction to go...have found themselves through the military. And, it's a great opportunity to learn a useful life skill, save some money, and see different places (hopefully not with a rifle in your hands).

However...I believe that you have to have a diploma or high school equivalency to get in (this may have recently changed). I would recommend that you immediatly look into different ways to get a high school equivalency (there are more ways than GED). That is a foundation from which you can do many things.

And, based on how well you communicate, I think you'll find that your intellect will return once challenged by the need to learn something. Human brains atrophy just as muscles do if not exercised...there is a lot of research revealing this.

I think you will be surprised how quickly you can get the HS equivalency, and from there how other things in your life begin falling into place.

Good luck! Keep us posted on your successes.

Mark

Dude,
Uh-huh! what all those other people said. Sounds like you need to get yourself involved in something. I couldn't agree more about the military thought. It worked for me way back when. When I got out, man, was life different, in a good way. I think you should be redirecting all the energy that you seem to be putting into writting about whats wrong and refocus it into some "good-for-you positive things". Take a look at your post. Know what? Pretty well written in my estimation. How can you make a statement like your intellect is dulled? I know college grads who don't write as well as you seem to. Come on, give yourself some credit.

BTL - Man, you've made the best start you possibly could. You've identified some problems and confronted them just by acknowledging them.

Some really good advice in the foregoing posts. I most strongly support a couple of them --

Get your GED. Most community colleges have great programs. Many even have funds and other assistance, such as daycare, available. I'll hire a GED grad over a plain HS grad -- the GED grad has shown some intelligence, commitment and plain guts that the HS grad may or may not have.

If you don't/can't do the GED, look at some certificate programs available from most community colleges. All kinds of stuff -- HVAC, auto, welding, plumbing etc. These professions are no joke -- I've a 42 year old fishing buddy who's a senior/lead technician at a major auto dealership. He is a HS grad, but no college. He made damn near $90,000 last year.

After you get your GED, look hard at the military. Absolutely nothing will teach you more about self-worth and your real capabilities. Personal example -- there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be dead or in prison if I hadn't entered the Army when I did. No joke.

Rock on.

BTW -- you write better than a couple of PHD friends.

turbodog said:

Join the military, prefereby the navy or some branch that will not ship you straight to iraq.

By the time you DO figure out what you want to do, you'll be close to 30 years old. By then, you'll be halfway to military retirement! Then you just hang on till age 41, and you've got lifetime healthcare and a pension.


This option addresses all your issues. It provides money, housing, physical fitness, motivation, camraderie, etc.

Moreover, the military will give you the skills needed to succeed in most ANY job. I know several employers that will hire ex-mililtary over most any other applicant.

Click to expand...

I would HIGHLY agree with this!
I remember when I was graduating HS and when asked where I was going next my response was "wherever THEY send me"!

I then joined the Navy and spent the next 6 years growing up, seeing the world and saving money for college. I gained valuable electronic and computer skills that I would then turn into a career. Even more valuable are the other "skills" you gain such as teamwork, leadership, drive and the ability to quickly make new friends. It forces you to break out of your "shell" and get on with the rest of your life.

I would recommend (of course) the Navy due to high tech training and travel. If you do decide to go in the military, I would strongly recommend that you do some research ahead of time and then signup for a specific job that appeals to you. Going in as "undecided" will land you the really crappy duty LOL!

Ryan,

Good for you for chatting with your friends here about it! First of all, you're not alone in any of those things. even people with a full education often end up back home at your age. I did Came home from college and moved back in with my folks and spent the next almost 3 years working in the local video store. but I stuck with that lousy job (well really it wasn't that lousy a job, fun people and time to chat most days, but the pay was pathetic) and parleyed my way from that into the next job and on from there to things that actually paid a salary I could live on, more or less...

Good discussion here already. Pick something you can get to work on like getting some exercise and go for it. After a while that will add to your confidence as well.

If you find that your ability to cope with what is a temporary low point in your life (real or imagined) is running out. There is no downside to getting some further medication. You said you've been here before, so you probably know about this already. But for the others here, anti-depressants aren't about being happy, they are about making it through the day and coping. Many folks need some help sometimes.

Good Luck!

seems like you've taken the first step in analyzing your situation and deciding you want to do something about it. Best luck and enjoy the rest of your life!

Get your high school degree or GED and go from there as far as the education aspect. Can you even join the military without a HS degree these days? I can tell by the nature and prose of your post that you have more intelligence then you give yourself credit for.

I've just got to fuss (with a grin) to Magic79 -- he said, regarding the military "...hopefully not with a rifle in your hands."

Every Marine or Soldier, from the newest Basic Training graduate to the four star Chief of Staff, is first and always an Infantry Rifleman. We get to walk the walk everyday.

BTL - and don't forget, lot's of us are late bloomers. Many folks start out as "nothing" and then wind up in pretty good shape later in life. Check out the bio's on
Abe Lincoln, Sam Houston and Winston Churchill for starters.

magic79 said:

The military suggestion..I believe that you have to have a diploma or high school equivalency to get in (this may have recently changed).

Click to expand...

I don't know about the other services, but the Army has relaxed it's restrictions on high-school drop-outs and those with lower ASVAB scores.


As someone else has mentioned, the Army will get you into shape, you'll have a job, free healthcare and some more direction in life.

I did the Army thing for 8 years as an enlisted Combat Engineer. My wife is currently an Army Officer. It's not a bad life but it's not for everyone.

If I had to do it over again, I'd do Air Force or Navy--but then again, I wouldn't have done all the cool stuff I got to do.


If you decide to think in this direction, talk to a lot of people and think really hard about it. The military gives people many benifits, but there are a lot of young people spending a year in a very bad place right now and not all of them get to see home again.

Ditto on the vocational training.

Follow the money, look into plumbing.