Where do i start???? Here it goes

Well. Where do i start? Some of you may have noticed i haven't posted for about 2 months.

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me, and have i have been really down /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif . I feel so alone now, and its been really hard for me to adjust. I moved to the city about 2 1/2 years ago, and honestly have made very few new friends. Lucky i have a few good mates that i went to school with that have moved here, but they are mostly on the other side of the city.

I'd like to say a special thanks to greg. (litho123) I had organised and paid a deposit for a mag85 i was getting him to make for me. I asked greg to put my order on hold as my financial standings had dramatically changed (i'm left now with paying all the rent and all the bills, new furniture, appliances).Greg immediatly got back to me with an offer to refund my deposit 100% if i needed it. Which i unforetunatley did. So..... Thanks Greg, you really are a top bloke. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsup.gif

He also supplied me with a wealth of knowledge regarding magmods, and hopefully i will be able to proceed with my order down the track when i'm back on my feet. So i guess this is a bit of a cheer for him as well, although i never proceed with my order, as i said before he immediatly offered me a refund if need be.

I'd also like to apologise to the local CPFers here in Sydney. A meet was organised for about 2 months ago, which just happened to be in the middle of all this. I was attending but pulled out cause i didn't want to drag the night down. Sorry to let you guys down. I was really looking forward to it, before "it" hit the fan. Hopefully i wiil good as gold for the next one.

So i haven't posted on any of the forums i helped moderate either. I just didn't want the good vibes to get dragged down from negative posts, or post something i would severly regret. I think i might have gotten the chop from moderating one forum. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

I've been so depressed for the last 2 months, i've had almost no tendacies for flashaholiscsm. I just don't feel the same. Being dirt poor at the moment doesn't help either. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I dunno. I got new high power laser from a new supplier and i've switched it on probably a half dozen times. What a waste. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif

So yeah. hopefully i eventually am back to normal self soon, and start constructively posting again.

I know alot of people live on there own, and are alone, but this is something i have never had to experience before. That and i have more or less lost my best friend. She hasn't made a great effort in trying to continue a friendship or keep in contact, which really is probably the most hurtful/confusing aspect of it all.

This probably seems like a bit of a random post, but i felt i had to say something or talk to someone. I've neglected CPF for 2 months now, as well as my duties on other forums..... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

i seem to have missed a great deal of info regarding the laser community. Looks like some crazy stuff has been going on.

I don't have the net on anymore at home, but i'll try my best to get back on track here on CPF and lasermods forum.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif I dunno. I suppose i'm just trying to move on.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, DaFiend. I've had a number of those myself over the years. As difficult as it might be to hear, and believe me, it was very difficult for me to hear it at the time, a certain close friend would always tell me that "Things happen for a reason" and I'll be darned if he was ALWAYS right. Something much better would happen later that could not have happened if the "downer" hadn't happened. So when your thinking about your situation, think and speculate about what better event/situation and hapiness is surely coming your way. Yes, I know, it sounds like crow feathers now, but wait-n-see.

Thanks BVH. Yes plenty of people have mentioned similar things to me. I was just so un-prepared. I had no idea it was going to happen, and have more or less felt crap for 2 months.

I hope something good happens for me soon. i kind of sick of gettting kicked in the guts.

I just don't feel like i'm the same person anymore. I used to be pretty bubbly and funny. Now i just fell empty, tired and worn out. I didn't sleep or eat much for a few weeks there.

I suppose, i spent so long trying to please her for so long i honestly have no idea what i want or what i like. Choosing new furniture and appliances was a nightmare. I have no idea what i like. Its like i have no idea who i am any more. A lost identity. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif

I had to go on medication for high blood pressure from all the stress. My BP was up to 115/100 ( is this real high?? i have no-idea) or something crazy like that. I'm almost 24 for gods sake. Not 54.

I'm 52 and have 115/76 usually. The "100" you mention is pretty high on the low side reading - my understanding. Just think of the fun you can have discovering what you DO like from this point - forward! There will be someone to share it with before long. You'll see.

DaFiend
I'm very sorry you've had the rug yanked out from you. It might sound odd, but the best thing is to accept that you're going to be down and depressed. It could take a long time to recover. All this is NORMAL.
I'm sure a lot of people will have a lot of advice. The only one I'm going to give is to not hastily "replace" her. It will only lead to more trouble.
It WILL get better with time.

gives dafiend a freind hugs take care dude i hope ya get more happy soon

I know its normal to feel down, but for a while there was waaaaaaaaaaay down, waaaaaaay waaaaaaaay down. its not so bad now but yes i am still a bit depressed.

Its more the confusion of not knowing myself, i just don't feel anywhere near the person i was. I was previously a flashaholic, now it seams the lights have gone out.

As for being able to do what ever i want, thats another thing i'm scared of. I was a pretty wayward teenager and what not. I don't want go back to that.

Thanks rags, UncleF. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

dafeind always remeber tomorow is a new day we never know whatt god has in mind for us tonight when ya lay down to sleep put happy thpoughts in ya head watch a funny movie and know u have people who care for u

[ QUOTE ]
DaFiend said:

I just don't feel like i'm the same person anymore.

[/ QUOTE ]

DaFiend you are not the same person, you will be a better one when the pain subsides.

This is not much help but ***old cliche warning*** It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif

Keep your chin up and remember that you are young and the world is yours for the taking! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif

Hey mate,

I know how you feel. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/awman.gif

I'm going through the same thing, my gf of 5 years just called it quits 1 month ago.

We were supposed to get engaged in July.

She said her priorities have changed in life and she just doesn't love me anymore.

No worries about the CPF Syd meet ok.

I've got some spare 3AA to D holders, Potted 85 and 2300Ah NiMhs which you can use for a Mag85.

I'll send them to you for free cause we're in the same heartbroken boat. PM me.

Keep busy is my advice. I've been doing that and it helps. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/happy23.gif

Since we're currently the masters of the planet, and we have nifty inventions like language and written history, nuclear bombs, the Internet, LED flashlights, and satellite TV it's only natural that we'd like to think that we have none of the same hormonal and neurological responses that a couple of bucks locking antlers, or I guess down there, roo's trying to kick each other's bollocks off have, come mating season.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. When a relationship starts, all those expressions like "Walking on cloud nine", "Head over heels in love" and the sensations of infatuation that all of us can remember experiencing at some time or another ourselves, are combinations of instincts, hormones, and neurotransmitters that reward us with pleasure at finding a mate. It's a pretty potent mix too. I'd be willing to bet if you could buy the same effect in a back alley, it would probably be a bigger drug problem than heroin.

Whichever you prefer, it's all part of evolutions or God's plan to keep the species going. And these reactions pay no mind to whether or not you've made the intellectual decision to actually have kids or not. And conversely, if your mate rejects you or leaves, there's an equally devastating set of negative reactions in your brain that "punish" you for not being able to hang onto her. Your whole body is punishing you because we still have all the wiring in us that causes a "lay down and die" response because it thinks that particular Sheila wants babies with the genes of the bigger badder caveman down the way.

The whole thing, aside from your obvious higher levels of disappointment at your breakup, is a merciless biochemical "carrot and stick" that is continually prodding us to ensure the survival of the species, and it's one that is not wired with any particular concern for our higher intellectual happiness. It's also why all the intellectual and perfectly logical advice like "you're better off", "it was never meant to be" etc. etc. etc. never seems to be of any help untill you're over it, and it's redundant.

Get out there, hang out with your friends, go to the CPF meet, even if at first if your faking it and just going though the motions. Make eyes at, and watch out for any pretty skirt crossing your path, even if it's completely frivolous. You don't have to strike up conversations, or try and get phone numbers. The subtle and often involuntary cues of approval and interest by other women won't go unnoticed by your subconscious, and the physical symptoms will begin to abate as your lower instincts get the message that you're not a dead-end in the game of life after all.

tkgear, that's awful nice of you! Sounds like a little bit of light is just what he needs - it would be awful cool to help him brighten things up.

I'm no hotwire guy - can somebody make a little parts list? I don't know if I have anything that's needed to make this light, but if I do I'd be happy to send it along. .

That's really sad, DaFiend. My thoughts are with you, as your feelings have a familiar ring to my ears. I was in a dark, dark, and cold hole for a long time. I have no close friends anymore. I am fortunate to have a wonderful wife & family who helped me out. CPF keeps my busy too /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif. It might be hard, but try to keep yourself (force yourself if need be) as active as possible. Go outside, do some exercise, challenge yourself with "new" stuff, etc. Warm regards, my bro, warm regards.

The stages of grief always suck http://www.takingthelead.co.uk/2/Grieving/griefstages.htm
but keep at it and you'll make it through!

For me the biggest trick was to make sure I got back out socially. I knew I didn't want to date again right away so I joined a volunteer work group and worked off a lot of anger on community projects! Best thing I could have done.

Some advice my grandfather once gave me... took a few years before I understood it though /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
"Don't worry, the next one will be beautiful, they always are.

I reckon I wouldn't be here on CPF as much nowadays if not for my breakup.

In the past month i've spent tons of time here and not to mention quite a bit of money as well.

Anyways, to get his Mag85 complete, we'll need an aluminium reflector and UCL or Borafloat lens. And a 3D mag if he doesn't have one. Also, a Dummy AA if he doesn't want to overdrive the bulb.

I just read the stages of grief thing.

I study psych and can understand how the stages feel (supposedly objectively and introspectively), but I kept cracking up whenever it refers to lost pets.

That aside, I don't know if its better to just feel what you feel, or know what you're feeling.

I'm really sorry to hear this DaFiend. I to would like to put in a small bit of advice. That is simpily to stay buzy, and not worry about finding anyone to 'replace' your girlfriend. I say stay buzy because everytime I've had a major problem, I take up a new hobby, and hopefully learn something from it.

Best wishs,
-David

Well, I don't have any experience in this field, but I'm sad for you man. I really am sorry. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

DaFiend, I'm on my second marriage so I know what it's like to have a relationship just... end. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

I felt completely lost for awhile... lost interest in almost everything. At the time I think my cats helped me to hold on to a sense of purpose. I also eventually got really busy trying to fill up my time with other activities and it helped.

Grieving over a loss is normal and healthy. Unfortunately the only way to get to the other end of grief is to go directly through it, not around it. Give yourself all the time you need - everybody is different and deals with it in their own time. I think the main thing I can offer is to remind you to avoid isolating at this time. Get busy with some friends or a hobby and this will help you to pull yourself out of a funk and those feelings of worthlessness if it happens.

Oh btw, I just went back and checked your picture again; you're the gent who looks like Brad Pitt. I predict that you won't be lonely for long! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/huh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif