My Darling Angel
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Acid87
Enlightened
Today we managed to arrange a date and time for the service for my Sheona. It has been one of the hardest days in my adult life never did I think choosing a flower arrangement for a funeral would be on my agenda at this age.
Tonight we meet a minister who is a friend of Sheona's mum to talk about her life and things that need to be included in it. For such a short life me and Sheona got up to all sorts of amazing things. Sheona's artistic talent is recognised at levels most people will never achieve in double her time. She is an inspiration to all that have met her and the response to her passing has been profound.
I'll maybe post a brief history of Sheona in time but that may be a little too much.
As the days have gone on the pain isn't lessening and part of me wishes the funeral was sooner than Saturday. This will by no means be the last part of my grieving but an essential part to overcome.
Only time will tell how I'll recover but I'm determined to improve my life in the honour of my darling wee Sheona.
Starting with becoming an organ donator something so simple may mean one day in the future I could help save a wee girl not too dissimilar to my Sheona and allow her to live a happy and pain free life.
Thanks again for listening.
Steven
Tonight we meet a minister who is a friend of Sheona's mum to talk about her life and things that need to be included in it. For such a short life me and Sheona got up to all sorts of amazing things. Sheona's artistic talent is recognised at levels most people will never achieve in double her time. She is an inspiration to all that have met her and the response to her passing has been profound.
I'll maybe post a brief history of Sheona in time but that may be a little too much.
As the days have gone on the pain isn't lessening and part of me wishes the funeral was sooner than Saturday. This will by no means be the last part of my grieving but an essential part to overcome.
Only time will tell how I'll recover but I'm determined to improve my life in the honour of my darling wee Sheona.
Starting with becoming an organ donator something so simple may mean one day in the future I could help save a wee girl not too dissimilar to my Sheona and allow her to live a happy and pain free life.
Thanks again for listening.
Steven
Meganoggin
Enlightened
I feel bad just writing this, words don't seem enough. Stay strong - you are in our thoughts, both of you.
Get in contact if you need to talk.
Pete.
Get in contact if you need to talk.
Pete.
TONY M
Flashlight Enthusiast
I can only imagine how difficult a time this is for you.
You are in my thoughts, keep strong.
Tony
You are in my thoughts, keep strong.
Tony
Acid87
Enlightened
Thanks guys for the support.
Today was again very hard we had to pick my baby's clothes for her to go to the next place whatever or wherever that will be.
We managed to make her look beautiful which wasn't hard considering how beautiful she was naturally. My mum and Sheona's mum helped and done great the only issue I had was the underwear. They picked skin coloured granny type practical underwear I agreed to start with but something in my heart told me to change. I chose my favourite and one of last sets of underwear she ever bought. I never realised how such a small thing would mean so much to me. Even a small detail like her favourite perfume was an essential for me. I remember buying her the bottle years after they stopped making it ( Escada Rock in Rio I believe) in New York down at the pier mall near the Brooklyn bridge. I paid a lot but I needed it for her.
I wasn't able to choose the Flowers for her coffin or the urn for her ashes yesterday and today managed to do so which was a relief.
There are still a few small details to get through but since speaking to the minister I'm feeling a little better. Again this is strange because I'm not religious yet there is part of me that thinks there is an afterlife and something looks over certain things in life be that god, nature or something else.
I'm still not sure if this has all sunk in yet as I've not been crying as much today. Possibly I've gotten over the initial shock and am fulfilling my promise to look after her mum, dad and brother for my wee angel. I feel bad because I am sad and upset but I feel by not crying I don't care.
I've finally signed up to become an organ donor here in the UK. All through our relationship Sheona had asked me to do this but I was scared to do it. Now I have found the strength to do this in her honour in the hope I can help someone like Sheona someday.
Sorry If I'm repeating things but I don't re-read these posts as they would be probably upsetting but are a great way to get things out.
Again thanks for listening and the support from you guys.
Today was again very hard we had to pick my baby's clothes for her to go to the next place whatever or wherever that will be.
We managed to make her look beautiful which wasn't hard considering how beautiful she was naturally. My mum and Sheona's mum helped and done great the only issue I had was the underwear. They picked skin coloured granny type practical underwear I agreed to start with but something in my heart told me to change. I chose my favourite and one of last sets of underwear she ever bought. I never realised how such a small thing would mean so much to me. Even a small detail like her favourite perfume was an essential for me. I remember buying her the bottle years after they stopped making it ( Escada Rock in Rio I believe) in New York down at the pier mall near the Brooklyn bridge. I paid a lot but I needed it for her.
I wasn't able to choose the Flowers for her coffin or the urn for her ashes yesterday and today managed to do so which was a relief.
There are still a few small details to get through but since speaking to the minister I'm feeling a little better. Again this is strange because I'm not religious yet there is part of me that thinks there is an afterlife and something looks over certain things in life be that god, nature or something else.
I'm still not sure if this has all sunk in yet as I've not been crying as much today. Possibly I've gotten over the initial shock and am fulfilling my promise to look after her mum, dad and brother for my wee angel. I feel bad because I am sad and upset but I feel by not crying I don't care.
I've finally signed up to become an organ donor here in the UK. All through our relationship Sheona had asked me to do this but I was scared to do it. Now I have found the strength to do this in her honour in the hope I can help someone like Sheona someday.
Sorry If I'm repeating things but I don't re-read these posts as they would be probably upsetting but are a great way to get things out.
Again thanks for listening and the support from you guys.
Saw this thread for the first time today and reading it has brought tears to my eyes. I am truly sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the kind and level of pain you're feeling, and I offer my sympathy and support, for whatever help they can provide.
Acid87
Enlightened
Monocrom said:
Cheers Dave.
HSG said:
Thanks. It is a huge loss.
Cyclops942 said:
I cant begin to describe the pain.
Funeral is tomorrow and it's going to be a very long and challenging day.
easilyled
Flashaholic
So sorry to read this extremely moving account of your tragic loss. I wish you strength for the funeral.
From your description, you were privileged enough to have experienced a precious bond the like of which is very rare.
You were obviously the most wonderful partner Sheona could have wished for and she must have been extremely proud of you.
To be taken away from you at such a young age when you were both so much in love is the cruellest fate imaginable.
From personal experience, grief never completely goes away but it dulls eventually.
You are doing the right thing by not bottling it up but allowing yourself to mourn and share your feelings with so many of us who can empathise with you.
From your description, you were privileged enough to have experienced a precious bond the like of which is very rare.
You were obviously the most wonderful partner Sheona could have wished for and she must have been extremely proud of you.
To be taken away from you at such a young age when you were both so much in love is the cruellest fate imaginable.
From personal experience, grief never completely goes away but it dulls eventually.
You are doing the right thing by not bottling it up but allowing yourself to mourn and share your feelings with so many of us who can empathise with you.
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Acid87
Enlightened
easilyled said:
Thanks easilyled,
I most definitely was blessed with the love me and Sheona shared. My only hope is that Sheona is proud of me. The love we shared is something not many people could achieve in a lifetime.
The funeral is going to be tough me and my dad have made a photo slideshow today and watching it in its entirety tonight was so hard.
I also had the last respects today and seen the coffin for the first time. That was so difficult as I was too upset to choose it on Monday.
I also had some items to put in the coffin one of which was a ringbox I had bought to propose to Sheona. It never had a ring because Sheona always wanted to choose her own, what it did contain was a gummy ring which she would have loved. My only regret is that I wasn't able to give it to my baby but I did ask permission from her folks which would have made her happy. We both knew we didn't need the ring though which was the best thing.
I hope in time I will recover from this. I just don't know how I'm going to move on in my life. I don't think I could ever get married because in my heart I'm still with my wee baby.
Cheers again for letting me talk things over.
Acid87
Enlightened
Essexman said:
Cheers Essexman,
It's odd I've not really talked to any of my close friends yet. I think it's because Sheona was friends with most of them and I want to be strong for them just now rather than let them know how I feel.
So basically CPF is a cheap version of therapy.
OCD
Enlightened
I know humor can help so............
Just like some budget lights turn out to be pretty darn good, so can budget therapy from CPF! :grouphug:
As mentioned before....we're here for you, with a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.
As far as cheap therapy goes . . .
I once had a highly respected, semi-retired, psychiatrist go off on me because I was doing my job changing the video surveillance tapes promptly at 8:30am. She was upset beyond belief that I wasn't by the front door to open it when she returned after walking her pocket-sized poodle. Even went so far as to tell me I should wait for her to come back before (basically) doing the main aspect of my job. I used a bit of psychology, and pointed out that if she wished to complain to my supervisor she'd basically be complaining that I did my job properly when I was supposed to. (Instead of waiting around for her to return whenever she felt like it, and I had no clue when that would be.) She calmed down after that. I think she realized how ridiculously she was behaving, at least a little.
Now I recall she still had at least two patients she was still seeing. Patients tossing large sums at her to help with their problems. Had they seen the manner in which she was behaving, they'd demand their money back after all these years of seeing her. And I know it's been years because she mentioned it to everyone around her.
That particular memory makes me smile every time because the situation was just so silly. Her Diva impersonation was quite good.
Main point: Therapists are normal folks who are sometimes in need of a therapist themselves, and a much better one than their patients see. Plus, we won't simply reflect a question you have back onto you.
I once had a highly respected, semi-retired, psychiatrist go off on me because I was doing my job changing the video surveillance tapes promptly at 8:30am. She was upset beyond belief that I wasn't by the front door to open it when she returned after walking her pocket-sized poodle. Even went so far as to tell me I should wait for her to come back before (basically) doing the main aspect of my job. I used a bit of psychology, and pointed out that if she wished to complain to my supervisor she'd basically be complaining that I did my job properly when I was supposed to. (Instead of waiting around for her to return whenever she felt like it, and I had no clue when that would be.) She calmed down after that. I think she realized how ridiculously she was behaving, at least a little.
Now I recall she still had at least two patients she was still seeing. Patients tossing large sums at her to help with their problems. Had they seen the manner in which she was behaving, they'd demand their money back after all these years of seeing her. And I know it's been years because she mentioned it to everyone around her.
That particular memory makes me smile every time because the situation was just so silly. Her Diva impersonation was quite good.
Main point: Therapists are normal folks who are sometimes in need of a therapist themselves, and a much better one than their patients see. Plus, we won't simply reflect a question you have back onto you.
Acid87
Enlightened
Monocrom said:As far as cheap therapy goes . . .
I once had a highly respected, semi-retired, psychiatrist go off on me because I was doing my job changing the video surveillance tapes promptly at 8:30am. She was upset beyond belief that I wasn't by the front door to open it when she returned after walking her pocket-sized poodle. Even went so far as to tell me I should wait for her to come back before (basically) doing the main aspect of my job. I used a bit of psychology, and pointed out that if she wished to complain to my supervisor she'd basically be complaining that I did my job properly when I was supposed to. (Instead of waiting around for her to return whenever she felt like it, and I had no clue when that would be.) She calmed down after that. I think she realized how ridiculously she was behaving, at least a little.
Now I recall she still had at least two patients she was still seeing. Patients tossing large sums at her to help with their problems. Had they seen the manner in which she was behaving, they'd demand their money back after all these years of seeing her. And I know it's been years because she mentioned it to everyone around her.
That particular memory makes me smile every time because the situation was just so silly. Her Diva impersonation was quite good.
Main point: Therapists are normal folks who are sometimes in need of a therapist themselves, and a much better one than their patients see. Plus, we won't simply reflect a question you have back onto you.
Cheers Dave,
Sounds like maybe she had been doing the job too long and her mind had gone to mush. It's not something I seriously considered to be honest.
I'm procrastinating because it's the funeral today and I'm trying not to think about it until I'm there.
my condolences to you and your families. i don't think there's anything i can say that can help you feel better but hang in there with both of your families..and yes as you said, everyone should cherish every moment spent together with loved ones...take care
Acid87
Enlightened
Funeral went as good as could be expected. The turnout was amazing staff at the crematorium said they had never seen so many people. They may have just said that to make us feel better, but I do know there were people who had to stand throughout the service because there were no seats. Supposedly around 700 people or so and many more that we're unable to make it. It made me so proud to see the love for my wee Sheona she was precious to so many people.
Acid87
Enlightened
Been a really hard day today. I have been keeping really busy out climbing and walking up mountains and meeting friends trying to keep my mind off things. I've been out at the pub tonight but I've finally got to the point where I can't deny what's happened and I'm finding it really really hard. At 24 I shouldn't have to be thinking about a life without my soulmate it's not fair. I know there will be people who have issues worse than mine that are "not fair" but the selfish part of me thinks my issues are worse. How do you carry on your life when it has been planned around one person and yourself only for that person to pass away? I'm starting to look at other female friends as partners to ease my pain I know it's not emotional and is completely physical attraction and a massive part of me feels disgusted because in my heart I'm still with Sheona. I'm not sure if I said before but we weren't able to have an open coffin for last respects but I was able to leave items to be placed in the coffin with my baby. I asked her mum, dad and brother if I was allowed to put a ring box with a gummy ring in as a proposal of marriage to Sheona. I know we didn't need a ring to show our love and the gummy was because Sheona knew what she wanted in a ring and all that mattered was I had the wallet.
I think I'm finally not accepting but realising the implications Sheona's passing will have on my life. Things were up and down before and now I feel I've let her down by ignoring the situation and thinking about folk in a physical way.
Sorry to drag this thread up again but it does help to talk rubbish her. None of my friends have ever experienced a situation like mine and none of them have the wisdom or experience to help me at the minute.
Thanks again Steven
I think I'm finally not accepting but realising the implications Sheona's passing will have on my life. Things were up and down before and now I feel I've let her down by ignoring the situation and thinking about folk in a physical way.
Sorry to drag this thread up again but it does help to talk rubbish her. None of my friends have ever experienced a situation like mine and none of them have the wisdom or experience to help me at the minute.
Thanks again Steven
