Funny sayings

[Valolammas]

Terry Pratchett:
"Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn't always beat actual thought."
"The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy."
"Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is."
"Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees."

"Lazy people don't think for themselves; they only think about themselves." –Terry Goodkind

"If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can find fault with, you will not do much." –Lewis Carroll

"After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself, as to see all the other fellows busy working." –Kenneth Grahame

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." -Robert Heinlein

 

[karlthev]

Seen in a cafe: "If you're smoking, you'd better be on fire"!



Karl

 

[KC2IXE]

...snip...
"Remember: i before e, except in Budweiser"
...snip...

I before E rules are weird and unscientific

 

[Monocrom]

Here's a personal fav:

"Being about as effective as a one-legged man in an @$$-kicking contest."

 

[Burgess]

or a One-Legged Man tryin' to stomp out a Forest Fire.

_

 

[chmsam]

Please stop talking to yourself. It interferes with the voices in my head.

I'm not so drink as you thunk I am (alternatively, I'm not so think as you drunk I am).

He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

He's a few ants shy of a picnic.

In the Indy 500 of life, he keeps missing a shift.

We have the best political (or judicial) system money can buy.

When did my wild oats turn into bran muffins?

 

[PurpleDrazi]

From the tv series Firefly . . .

"And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing . . . someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back"

 

[Monocrom]

This one has a story connected to it....

A small bird was injured by a careless boy with a BB gun. The bird fell from the sky. It wasn't badly hurt, but it could not move or fly away. That night, it got very cold. A large dog wandered by, and saw the poor bird.

To make sure the bird didn't freeze to death, the dog pooped on the bird; to keep it warm. A few hours later, a hungry wolf came by. He noticed the bird, and grabbing a bucket of water; he dumped it on the bird. No longer covered in poop, the wolf ate the bird. The lesson for today?....

"Not everyone who $#^%$ on you is your enemy. And not everyone who cleans it off is your friend."