I had a very upsetting experience and I wanted to share it and see what kind of feedback I get from you folks.
First let me start by saying that if you ever met me, you would see that I am a very mild-mannered, clean-cut, non-threatening, polite and friendly guy. I have been compared to Richie Cunningham in the Happy Days TV show in that way. Both in demeanor and appearance. I was wearing a suit and tie and was at the courthouse to get a traffic ticket dismissed.
People started arriving about an hour early for traffic court and a line was forming in the large lobby outside of the courtroom. I was near the front of the line and eventually there were over one hundred people in line. Just before the court was due to open, a man broke in line right behind me. I politely asked him if he was looking for the end of the line and pointed it out to him. He became immediately belligerent and said that he was in line right where he should be and not to tell him what to do, etc. Well, the exchange continued about as you might expect. I insisted that he should not break in line in front of people that had arrived an hour before he had and he became loud and indignant. This went back and forth a few times. At this point I made what was to become a huge mistake by gently placing my hand on his shoulder and sort of held my other hand out in a "step this way please" gesture in the direction of the end of the line. I did not push or pull him even slightly or grip him. It was a very gentle touch. Of course he immediately started announcing very loudly "Don't you lay your hands on me" which soon progressed into "This man assaulted me!" and "I'm going to press charges." He was moving about the whole lobby making a big display to the whole crowd and repeating his statements over and over for quite a few minutes. It was really quite a scene and everyone was sort of rolling their eyes over it.
I should say at this point that I am not a member of any minority group and the other man was a member of a racial minority and apparently also a member of a sexual-preference minority group. I mention this not as a judgement about him, but because it might have affected the dynamic of the situation. We are both in our 30s and of medium build. I am tall and he is of average height.
Several people near me made supportive comments to me about how they thought I had not done anything wrong and they appreciated my speaking up about the breaking in line. The man right next to me was trying to help me out by saying that he never saw me thouch the guy. Within a few inches, maybe, but he never saw me touch him. Eventually the man got hold of a court official and had them summon a law enforcement officer. He continued making a scene for several more minutes until the deputy arrived.
Next the deputy pulls us both aside into a private room nearby and lets the man tell his story at great length. By this time the story was about how I shoved him and he demonstrated how his body was flung back and thrown off balance. Of course he had not been breaking in line, but just making a call on the nearby pay phone to speak to his lawyer, etc. All of this was complete non-sense, but it went on and on. I patiently waited for my turn to describe the events and when I began, I was quickly interrupted by the man who basically tried to repeat his whole story again. I eventually got a few points across, but only by butting in and I didn't get to say much. The deputy was not that interested in letting me talk and not interested in hearing from any of the hundred witnesses on the other side of the door, all of whom would have told him that the other man was the only one who needed arresting. The deputy started his little speach to me with "First of all, since you touched him you are guilty of assault and I would have to arrest you for that...."
This was of course very true, but I definitely hadn't admitted touching the guy and this fact was hardly established at this point. It was only based on the man's statements and no witnesses at all. I could see that I was over a barrel at this point. A big problem was that the other man was the one who called in the deputy, so I was naturally on the defensive and was not being given any benefit of the doubt here or even much of an opportunity to answer the accusation. During all the rambling, the other man let slip that if I had just apoligized he would have let the whole thing go. This was probably stated to make him appear reasonable, but I keyed in on an apology as my best hope and decided to cash in on the offer. I quickly launched into an elegant apology (again without explicitly admitting the touch). This started smoothing things over, but not before a whole lot more indignant rambling by the man and a final stern warning by the deputy. Eventually we all shook hands (cringe) and I returned to the lobby where there was a general murmering in the crowd of relief that I had gotten out of my predicament and quite a number of people approached me with supportinve comments and some offering to act as a witness on my behalf, if needed.
Once I had returned to the lobby, it was my turn in line and I immediately began conducting my original business with the court. Within just a few minutes I completed my business, caught an open elevator and walked outside onto the sidewalk only to hear "Sir, wait a minute!" It was the deputy calling me back for what I thought was an apology, but instead he accused me of making a threatening remark to the other man after our little meeting. It was allegedly something like "You'll get what's coming to you." I hadn't so much as laid eyes on the other man since our meeting and told the deputy so. Nevertheless, the deputy had me go back inside the courthouse, back through the metal detector and the manual wand search procedure and have my posessions x-rayed. I was fully expecting to be charged with the original assault complaint and cuffed and put in jail. I have never been in that kind of trouble before and it was pretty intimidating. We went back to the other man and it soon became clear to the deputy that a completely different person had made the remark (the guy originally beside me in line). The man thought this person was my friend and was therefore somehow speaking on my behalf. Since it quickly became clear that I had not spoken the words and was not present when they were spoken and I was insistent that I did not know the other guy, I got out of this one in just a few more painful minutes and yet another handshake (cringe), but I assume the deputy then went to question the other guy. I just left as quickly as possible because I was afraid at any minute the man would change his mind and try to press criminal charges against me for the original touch. I have no idea what the other guy was put through after I left, but I hate to imagine.
So that is where it ended, except I was pretty upset for the rest of the day and definitely learned a few lessons.
One of which obviously is that I will not ever touch anyone again no matter how slight. This was a huge error. The other lesson being that if someone really wants to harass me, it is surprisingly easy to use a law enforcement officer as a tool to do that. This is not a criticism of LEOs, for whom I have a lot of respect, but just the nature of the legal system and how it can be manipulated in ways that do not follow true justice.
By the way, I should have called the deputy first to get the guy out of line to begin with, but I was very reluctant to give up my place in that long line to wander the various floors of a huge courthouse looking for an available officer. I highly doubt one would have rushed to my aid anyway for a minor complaint like line jumping. So that just didn't seem like a valid option at that point. This only looks like an obvious solution in hindsight.
Finally, for you legal purists, my infraction was probably a battery rather than just an assault, but the terminology hardly matters and I reported the terminology that was actually used yesterday.
Sorry for the long post. I tried to keep it concise and believe it or not, I did trim a few details.
Thanks for your impressions.
First let me start by saying that if you ever met me, you would see that I am a very mild-mannered, clean-cut, non-threatening, polite and friendly guy. I have been compared to Richie Cunningham in the Happy Days TV show in that way. Both in demeanor and appearance. I was wearing a suit and tie and was at the courthouse to get a traffic ticket dismissed.
People started arriving about an hour early for traffic court and a line was forming in the large lobby outside of the courtroom. I was near the front of the line and eventually there were over one hundred people in line. Just before the court was due to open, a man broke in line right behind me. I politely asked him if he was looking for the end of the line and pointed it out to him. He became immediately belligerent and said that he was in line right where he should be and not to tell him what to do, etc. Well, the exchange continued about as you might expect. I insisted that he should not break in line in front of people that had arrived an hour before he had and he became loud and indignant. This went back and forth a few times. At this point I made what was to become a huge mistake by gently placing my hand on his shoulder and sort of held my other hand out in a "step this way please" gesture in the direction of the end of the line. I did not push or pull him even slightly or grip him. It was a very gentle touch. Of course he immediately started announcing very loudly "Don't you lay your hands on me" which soon progressed into "This man assaulted me!" and "I'm going to press charges." He was moving about the whole lobby making a big display to the whole crowd and repeating his statements over and over for quite a few minutes. It was really quite a scene and everyone was sort of rolling their eyes over it.
I should say at this point that I am not a member of any minority group and the other man was a member of a racial minority and apparently also a member of a sexual-preference minority group. I mention this not as a judgement about him, but because it might have affected the dynamic of the situation. We are both in our 30s and of medium build. I am tall and he is of average height.
Several people near me made supportive comments to me about how they thought I had not done anything wrong and they appreciated my speaking up about the breaking in line. The man right next to me was trying to help me out by saying that he never saw me thouch the guy. Within a few inches, maybe, but he never saw me touch him. Eventually the man got hold of a court official and had them summon a law enforcement officer. He continued making a scene for several more minutes until the deputy arrived.
Next the deputy pulls us both aside into a private room nearby and lets the man tell his story at great length. By this time the story was about how I shoved him and he demonstrated how his body was flung back and thrown off balance. Of course he had not been breaking in line, but just making a call on the nearby pay phone to speak to his lawyer, etc. All of this was complete non-sense, but it went on and on. I patiently waited for my turn to describe the events and when I began, I was quickly interrupted by the man who basically tried to repeat his whole story again. I eventually got a few points across, but only by butting in and I didn't get to say much. The deputy was not that interested in letting me talk and not interested in hearing from any of the hundred witnesses on the other side of the door, all of whom would have told him that the other man was the only one who needed arresting. The deputy started his little speach to me with "First of all, since you touched him you are guilty of assault and I would have to arrest you for that...."
This was of course very true, but I definitely hadn't admitted touching the guy and this fact was hardly established at this point. It was only based on the man's statements and no witnesses at all. I could see that I was over a barrel at this point. A big problem was that the other man was the one who called in the deputy, so I was naturally on the defensive and was not being given any benefit of the doubt here or even much of an opportunity to answer the accusation. During all the rambling, the other man let slip that if I had just apoligized he would have let the whole thing go. This was probably stated to make him appear reasonable, but I keyed in on an apology as my best hope and decided to cash in on the offer. I quickly launched into an elegant apology (again without explicitly admitting the touch). This started smoothing things over, but not before a whole lot more indignant rambling by the man and a final stern warning by the deputy. Eventually we all shook hands (cringe) and I returned to the lobby where there was a general murmering in the crowd of relief that I had gotten out of my predicament and quite a number of people approached me with supportinve comments and some offering to act as a witness on my behalf, if needed.
Once I had returned to the lobby, it was my turn in line and I immediately began conducting my original business with the court. Within just a few minutes I completed my business, caught an open elevator and walked outside onto the sidewalk only to hear "Sir, wait a minute!" It was the deputy calling me back for what I thought was an apology, but instead he accused me of making a threatening remark to the other man after our little meeting. It was allegedly something like "You'll get what's coming to you." I hadn't so much as laid eyes on the other man since our meeting and told the deputy so. Nevertheless, the deputy had me go back inside the courthouse, back through the metal detector and the manual wand search procedure and have my posessions x-rayed. I was fully expecting to be charged with the original assault complaint and cuffed and put in jail. I have never been in that kind of trouble before and it was pretty intimidating. We went back to the other man and it soon became clear to the deputy that a completely different person had made the remark (the guy originally beside me in line). The man thought this person was my friend and was therefore somehow speaking on my behalf. Since it quickly became clear that I had not spoken the words and was not present when they were spoken and I was insistent that I did not know the other guy, I got out of this one in just a few more painful minutes and yet another handshake (cringe), but I assume the deputy then went to question the other guy. I just left as quickly as possible because I was afraid at any minute the man would change his mind and try to press criminal charges against me for the original touch. I have no idea what the other guy was put through after I left, but I hate to imagine.
So that is where it ended, except I was pretty upset for the rest of the day and definitely learned a few lessons.
One of which obviously is that I will not ever touch anyone again no matter how slight. This was a huge error. The other lesson being that if someone really wants to harass me, it is surprisingly easy to use a law enforcement officer as a tool to do that. This is not a criticism of LEOs, for whom I have a lot of respect, but just the nature of the legal system and how it can be manipulated in ways that do not follow true justice.
By the way, I should have called the deputy first to get the guy out of line to begin with, but I was very reluctant to give up my place in that long line to wander the various floors of a huge courthouse looking for an available officer. I highly doubt one would have rushed to my aid anyway for a minor complaint like line jumping. So that just didn't seem like a valid option at that point. This only looks like an obvious solution in hindsight.
Finally, for you legal purists, my infraction was probably a battery rather than just an assault, but the terminology hardly matters and I reported the terminology that was actually used yesterday.
Sorry for the long post. I tried to keep it concise and believe it or not, I did trim a few details.
Thanks for your impressions.
