A funny

[GJW]

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It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."0 The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "poop" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

 

[Sigman]

Good one Greg, caught me off guard! Thanks!

 

[PeterM]

How bout this one? A woman noticed a strange noise emanating from her car one day and stopped at a garage on her way to lunch. As the mechanic was busy for the moment, she asked him to check out the car while she walked across the street to grab a sandwich. Returning about an hour later, she found the mechanic and asked him for his prognosis. "Well", said the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal". "No", replied the woman as she flicked her lip, "That's just a little mayonaisse from my sandwich."