Steve-at-Springboard
Newly Enlightened
OK, a guy walks into a bar with a cylinder of asphalt under his arm. Walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have two beers, please. One for me and ... one for the road".
Sorry!
Sorry!
there are some Jokes
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xzel87
Enlightened
Technology says to Evolution: "Technology has made almost everything Idiotproof!"
Evolution replies with a shrug: "Evolution will just make a better Idiot."
Evolution replies with a shrug: "Evolution will just make a better Idiot."
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
This is a visual joke based on a true story. Click here and scroll through he pictures of a dog being rescued from a river.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
From Reddit -
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar company? He took a day off.
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A blonde gets tired of blonde jokes, so she dyes her hair.
She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blonde guesses "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car.
The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar company? He took a day off.
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A blonde gets tired of blonde jokes, so she dyes her hair.
She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blonde guesses "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car.
The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Lol.
O wait... :laughing:
O wait... :laughing:
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
What's the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to all of your devices to access data. The other is a hardware standard.
:tinfoil:
One connects to all of your devices to access data. The other is a hardware standard.
:tinfoil:
1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.
6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''
11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.
6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''
11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
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How many gov't employees does it take to change a light bulb?
2: A maintenance worker and an inpector who says "I don't know how to do your job but my book says you're doing it wrong"
One man says to the other "just because your head is pointed doesn't make you sharp"
2: A maintenance worker and an inpector who says "I don't know how to do your job but my book says you're doing it wrong"
One man says to the other "just because your head is pointed doesn't make you sharp"
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Hooked on Fenix
Flashlight Enthusiast
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2007
- Messages
- 3,221
Saw a good April Fools Day ad today. Look up Quilted Northern Rustic Weave video for a good laugh.
Crazyeddiethefirst
Flashlight Enthusiast
How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes 12 visits.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change à lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change....
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change à lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change....
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
I'm so old, I can remember when the Dead Sea was just sick.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Lol! Good one.
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