FOMO. Fear of missing out. Mrs Soccer Mom walks down the toilet paper ailes at a Target unsuspecting her settled but hectic life as a single mom is about to change. She casually pushes her cart loaded with all brand named items in case one of her neighbors from Respectable St pops in for a jug of Lancers table wine. Suddenly she notices there is a large gap in between the two ply and the kind with butterflies on it. Little Graham mentions the brand with puppy dogs on the package is missing. Mrs Soccer mom thinks to herself that at home they are down to less than 50 rolls so perhaps she should go ahead and buy a 12 pack. The kind with bunny rabbit prints.
Suddenly from behind, a crazed lunatic wearing a dust mask and hollering "we're doomed, CNN says so" and starts frantically adding 24 packs of toilet paper to a shopping cart. "uh oh" thinks the soccer mom. "I'd better hurry up and get some too". Well low and behold all of a sudden the toilet paper row is packed with people clamoring for toilet paper. The postman, the clergyman, two policeman and a fireman. People with crazy tatoos and piercings, people wearing pajamas, fat people, skinny people, that neighbor from Respectable St, even Mr Magoo are in there clamoring for toilet paper. But so far so good. Things are hectic but orderly as people are chatting about the weather, the Grammys or the price of tea in China.
Everything was cool until little Graham announced that awful man in the red MAGA hat stole all of the bunny rabbit toilet paper. Suddenly Mrs Soccer Mom's eyes opened widely like coffee cup saucers. Suddenly she knew karate too. Watching those ultimate fighting matches with the neighbor from Respectable St's husband……we'll leave that part out…… anyway things turned ugly fast. An hour later Mrs Soccer Mom has a rap sheet, the mailman went postal, the cops shot the mailman, the clergyman is in ICU with a massive concusion after being bashed over the head with an XL sized box of alluminum foil while praying for peace, the fireman managed to get little Graham out unharmed, fat people are skinny now, skinny people left with stolen oreo cookies and ice cream, the lady from Respectable St is divorcing her husband after finding out about the affair with that Soccer Mom tramp, the store burned to the ground and Mr Magoo drives off in his model T with the last 6 pack of toilet paper in the whole city.
Folks, it's governmental mind control. Works everytime.