So, how's life?

I've been keeping busy. My RC hobby is lots of fun, when things work of course. And my flashlight hobby provides good lighting for photos like this one:



I wish I could say it's all positive. Over a year later I'm still dealing with panic disorder, haven't found a medication to get it under control yet, and counseling hasn't made a dent in it. Some nights I'll fall asleep, then wake up a short time later with a godawful white-noise sensation running down my spine and radiating into the rest of my body. Biking is essentially impossible, because vigorous exercise gives me heart palpitations (the cardiologist says I'm perfectly healthy though) and my panic reflexes start taking over from there -- not a good idea to be moving at 20mph when I'm not sure if I can keep my balance (or stay conscious). And I'm still trying to sell an investment property that I very stupidly bought in early 2008 shortly before the economy crashed, and finding someone who's 1) interested in the house, 2) willing to make an offer that isn't insulting, and 3) actually able to get a loan from a bank, has thus far been impossible. 6.5 years of paying the mortgage on a house that's too far away to live in, and I've never been glad I own the place. I think if it doesn't sell by Thanksgiving I'm just going to auction it and hope for the best.

It's definitely not all negative either, though. I recently got promoted, my girlfriend lives with me now (instead of living an hour or more away in another city), I recently had a good talk with my mom about negative events in my childhood, what caused them, and how they affected me, and I've got my hobbies to keep me occupied in my off-hours.

Have I missed anything particularly interesting on CPF lately?

Maybe you can get a cardiologist to fit you with a heart monitor to wear during your regular day to see the unusual activity of your heart, then try beta blockers. Maybe you have tried that (just trying to suggest something).

As far as CPF:
What interests you? How long have you been away? Have you been reading about the preliminary advances in battery technology recently reported?

Hey there! Sorry to hear about the negatives, but those positive things sure sound great! Keep focusing on those! 6.5 years on that house sure is a long time. Hopefully you can unload that for as much as possible. No matter what you get, I'm sure that will be a huge load off your shoulders.

I see your name and avatar so often I guess I didn't realize you were gone. Seems like a lot of new stuff from Fenix recently, lots of talk about Zebralight SC62w, new catalog from Nitecore with some interesting stuff...just a few of the things I'm watching.

Glad to see you back & good to hear not all bad. Not sure when you left, time flies - but Vinh has his own subforum and does some nice things to some interesting lights - worth looking at.


Uh, & MT-G2 LED, typically 5000K, HUGE die.

nfetterly... I just recently read about an interesting "treatment" (as it were) for panic/anxiety attacks as well as insomnia and headaches. It is a pressure point thing. I hope you will be able to view this short video... It's on Facebook but you should still be able to click the link and see it.

Click Here

We have a widely-prescribed treatment for panic disorders here in Cali that is instantaneous and universally proven, but trying it depends on your political position regarding plants..

CPF is in its pre-holiday lull, prepare for a tsunami of offerings, deals, and questions from new people.

We just had an earthquake in Napa Valley, the largest Cali quake in 25 years; some fires/outages/injuries, but we've still gone over 20 years without an earthquake fatality.

I am awash in the tide of the new; after signing on with OysterBooks.com and Amazon Kindle Unlimited, my reading list is now a fairly intimidating pile of all-new books (look up I Am Pilgrim.) Then I open up Spotify and they're adding roughly a dozen new albums weekly, and some of these recent releases are amazing (look up The Wind And The Wave.) Then I go to work, and that's just a nonstop cavalcade of the newest and best of everything that everyone is buying (look up Fitbit.) It's quite dizzying, now I need to go out and get some new snacks (look up Oreo Limeade) and new beer (look up Victory Summer Love)..

Hi there fyrstormer, welcome back!

On panic attacks, I guess you've tried propranolol? It works for someone I know with problems similar to yours (though probably not as severe). Meditation might also be helpful.

On the black hole money-pit of a house, have you considered moving there and selling whatever it is you are living in now? This could be worth it even if you had to change jobs (and girlfriends - LOL).

If not, have you tried to rent it? If renting is also hard, there is something called the rent-to-own option, where you offer to rent in a way that if the rentor decides to buy, they keep the accumulated rents as credit against the house price. This method is said to be very effective in both getting a rentor and quite possibly even selling the house eventually.

StarHalo said:

We have a widely-prescribed treatment for panic disorders here in Cali that is instantaneous and universally proven, but trying it depends on your political position regarding plants..

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Doesn't work on me. It feels good while it's kicking in, but the moment it peaks the experience changes to me waiting for it to wear off. Also, one time it gave me tunnel vision so bad I wasn't sure anything existed unless I could see it, including my own hands and feet (and no, none of my companions had similar dissociative experiences), and another time I thought I was stone-cold sober until I blacked out -- the next thing I remember was waking up on the couch the next morning.

Suffice it to say, it doesn't agree with me.

- - -

20 years without a single fatality from an earthquake? Wow, that's impressive. Obviously those updated building codes are getting the job done.

KITROBASKIN said:

Maybe you can get a cardiologist to fit you with a heart monitor to wear during your regular day to see the unusual activity of your heart, then try beta blockers. Maybe you have tried that (just trying to suggest something).

Click to expand...

The cardio tells me I don't need a monitor, if there were *anything* structurally or electrically wrong it would've showed up when they got my pulse up to 190bpm on a treadmill.

I think the first panic attack "broke" something, neurologically. One part of your nervous system can slow your pulse, and another part can speed it up and/or make it beat more forcefully. Breathing naturally causes these variations as an efficiency-enhancing side effect. Something about that first panic attack has caused those parts of my nervous system to be more-or-less permanently overactive, so my pulse varies up and down more than it should. That is actually a form of heart arrhythmia, but it's not the dangerous kind -- it's just an exaggeration of what's supposed to happen anyway. So there isn't really anything they can do about it.

I tried Propranolol, a beta-blocker, but it just made me feel lightheaded for 3 months straight, and I kept having tiny "zings" of anxiety because some part of my brain thought my heart was stopping several times a day. (really it was just beating slower than expected.) I've also tried several antidepressants, but the only thing that gives consistent relief is Xanax, because it "turns down the volume" on those overactive parts of my nervous system, so they stop screwing around with my pulse so much. Unfortunately it's also stupendously habit-forming, so I break the smallest tablet into 4 pieces, and I only take it when I can't stand the tension anymore.

I'm honestly not sure at this point if there's anything that can be done to improve things. I've always been what some people are now calling a "Highly Sensitive Person", and in some ways this is just a (very unhelpful) extension of that.

markr6 said:

Hey there! Sorry to hear about the negatives, but those positive things sure sound great! Keep focusing on those! 6.5 years on that house sure is a long time. Hopefully you can unload that for as much as possible. No matter what you get, I'm sure that will be a huge load off your shoulders.

I see your name and avatar so often I guess I didn't realize you were gone. Seems like a lot of new stuff from Fenix recently, lots of talk about Zebralight SC62w, new catalog from Nitecore with some interesting stuff...just a few of the things I'm watching.

Click to expand...

I would burn the house down and lose my entire investment if it would get me out of having to deal with it ever again. (EDIT: If the FBI is reading this, no I am not actually going to burn down my house. I'm not stupid.) Which is to say, yeah, it's a stressful situation, and obviously not helping me in other areas of my life.

I've been around, but only once every few weeks for the past year or so. It's nice to know my former daily presence on CPF is still visible, and perhaps even appreciated.

Greta said:

nfetterly... I just recently read about an interesting "treatment" (as it were) for panic/anxiety attacks as well as insomnia and headaches. It is a pressure point thing. I hope you will be able to view this short video... It's on Facebook but you should still be able to click the link and see it.

Click Here

Click to expand...

Thanks, I'll take a look at that.

Meditation helps a bit. I find it's most effective if I go outside late at night, close my eyes, and just listen to the sounds and feel the breeze. (unfortunately in the Mid-Atlantic the weather isn't conducive to relaxing outside most of the year, because the temperature and humidity vary so much, but it's a little better at night.) I focus on the sensory input instead of on my own thoughts, and my muscles relax and my breathing becomes automatic. I wish I could feel like that all the time; unfortunately, most of the things I have to do during the day require intensive thinking about things that perhaps aren't inherently fascinating to me, and that causes a buildup of anxiety regardless of my mood at the time. Sitting in an office all day makes it worse.

fyrstormer said:

It's nice to know my former daily presence on CPF is still visible, and perhaps even appreciated.

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I have learned from your posts. That is why I responded.

A low dose of Metoprolol succinate might help. Might not. Glad to hear you are minimizing the Xanax.

Here's hoping you get something of a handle on this.

We would all do well to appreciate our health. That whole sickness thing totally lacks any entertainment value, whatsoever.

KITROBASKIN said:

Here's hoping you get something of a handle on this.

We would all do well to appreciate our health. That whole sickness thing totally lacks any entertainment value, whatsoever.

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I'm 57.25 and well remember not having a clue when hearing people say, "If you've got your health, you've got everything." Those were the good ol days. Perhaps if "they" had added, "If you don't, little else matters as much." I might have better understood.

Terribly sorry to read of your affliction, fyrstormer.

~ Chance

Fyrstormer,
Dealing with stress and anxiety is no easy task and those that don't have those issues seldom understand how debilitating and disruptive it can be to ones life. Hope you find whatever works for you. Without knowing thing one about you I'll not disperse any advice or opinion, I'll just say good luck and enjoy life the best you can.

It's not really stress at this point. Part of my nervous system has been hypersensitized to any kind of stimulation. Stress and other negative feelings make it worse, but I can be happy and still get hit with a sudden sense of doom and a cold prickling sensation running up my spine that tells me bad things will happen if I don't calm down right now. Antidepressants make it easier for the rational part of my mind to ignore the constant buzzing in the background, but they don't actually fix anything.

My latest hypothesis is that I have a vitamin deficiency of some sort, and I also just discovered this evening that the allergy medicine I take 3 months a year acts by affecting the nervous system, as does the Sudafed I sometimes take for congestion. This probably has something to do with the reason I got a spike in panic symptoms about a week after I stop taking my allergy medicine this past spring.

Still lots of avenues to investigate. It's a damn good thing I like tinkering. If nothing else it keeps my mind busy.

I knew a few who had similar issues that were brought on or triggered by a psychological event or incidents. I for a while was so stressed at work I though I was going to explode and being on edge so much made me hypersensitive to things that prior and since would mean nothing.

Hello fyrstormer,

Your post (#15) led me to consider that panic attacks, in specific, and anxiety attacks in general are a lot like allergies. Like allergies, what triggers me is not what triggers others. Many times I do not know where the trigger/allergen is coming from. Those around me who do not have anxiety and/or allergies have empathy, or at least sympathy, but no understanding. We are experiential creatures, what we do not experience we do not understand.

I am dyslexic (why I do not post often) and began having anxiety issues in the first grade (age 6) and full blown panic attacks in the forth grade (age10). I am now 48 and I am still trying different treatments and coping strategies. Since it is not life threatening, it is a quality of life issue and thus a very new area for medical science and social acceptance.

As you are learning, finding a substance that helps you is an arduous, and sometimes hellish, process of trial and error. I thought I was crazy until I tried a few SSRIs (Prozac and the like) and I found out what crazy for me really is.

The one thing I have found always to help reduce the severity and length of an attack is using pragmatic self talk, "Oh a panic attack, ok I know what this is. This will pass. I can handle this discomfort for now." Using self talk that's much more positive than this in the moment is usually counter productive. It can create expectations that can increase anxiety. Ironic, I know.

Passively accept the attack in the moment and actively search for long term relief.

fyrstormer, you are handling this well. You are able to acknowledge it, wright about it coherently, and with grace. As one Highly Sensitive Person to another, I solute you.

Cheers,
Sarah

FlashlightWidow said:

Hello fyrstormer,

Your post (#15) led me to consider that panic attacks, in specific, and anxiety attacks in general are a lot like allergies. Like allergies, what triggers me is not what triggers others. Many times I do not know where the trigger/allergen is coming from. Those around me who do not have anxiety and/or allergies have empathy, or at least sympathy, but no understanding. We are experiential creatures, what we do not experience we do not understand.

I am dyslexic (why I do not post often) and began having anxiety issues in the first grade (age 6) and full blown panic attacks in the forth grade (age10). I am now 48 and I am still trying different treatments and coping strategies. Since it is not life threatening, it is a quality of life issue and thus a very new area for medical science and social acceptance.

As you are learning, finding a substance that helps you is an arduous, and sometimes hellish, process of trial and error. I thought I was crazy until I tried a few SSRIs (Prozac and the like) and I found out what crazy for me really is.

The one thing I have found always to help reduce the severity and length of an attack is using pragmatic self talk, "Oh a panic attack, ok I know what this is. This will pass. I can handle this discomfort for now." Using self talk that's much more positive than this in the moment is usually counter productive. It can create expectations that can increase anxiety. Ironic, I know.

Passively accept the attack in the moment and actively search for long term relief.

fyrstormer, you are handling this well. You are able to acknowledge it, wright about it coherently, and with grace. As one Highly Sensitive Person to another, I solute you.

Cheers,
Sarah

Click to expand...

So very interesting and insightful. "Passively accept the attack in the moment and actively search for long term relief".

Seems like so many women can be so much better at accepting the reality of onslaught and coping with adversity. Many men flinch from the recoil of firearms while some women I have seen just 'go with it', sending the projectile to the target. Working at a primate research lab many years ago, it was the male chimpanzees who cracked from the oppressive confinement, and the females who held on to their sanity.

For some men, the whole idea of being 'passively accepting' in any way is repugnant, don't you think? And that has its own advantages for some circumstances. But for some things, it is fruitless.

KITROBASKIN said:

For some men, the whole idea of being 'passively accepting' in any way is repugnant, don't you think? And that has its own advantages for some circumstances. But for some things, it is fruitless.

Click to expand...

Makes rather a lot of sense. Men are taught (perhaps innate but also reinforced) to overwhelm obstacles and threats. When faced with one we can't subdue, we can push until we are broken. Women are taught compliance, and so more experienced at acceptance. But the world for which these roles were developed is no more. Perhaps it's time both genders learned both skills.

The idea of passive acceptance isn't repugnant to me, but the panic attacks are so traumatic that I'd claw my eyes out if it would make me immune to them. Along with the racing heart and tingling limbs and sense of panic, there is also a precipitous drop in my mood that takes hours to recover from. It is excruciatingly uncomfortable to feel absolutely certain that everything is ruined and nothing will ever be okay again. No amount of mind-over-matter can moderate the feeling -- the only thing that works is taking some Xanax, then laying down and shivering until I fall asleep; if I'm lucky, I'll stay asleep long enough that when I wake up I feel mostly back to normal, but I still have manic-depressive mood swings for a couple days after. I am essentially being violated by my own nervous system; passively accepting repeated violation is...sub-optimal.