I was in your shoes 17 years ago and I can tell you that time will pass and bring some relief to the pain that you are going through. Your father's courage will always be an inspiration to you. God bless you, your father and your family.
A few things I learned:
Hospice provides compassionate support for families in your situation.
Beginning the funural planning prior to your father's death will help tremendously. It may sound insensitive to think of that while your father is still alive, but since he knows he's dying, he and your mother are probably secretly thinking about it anyway. Might as well bring it out in the open. He may have some preferences and it may be of some comfort to him to make them known and to know that you care what they are. And your mother won't be in any condition to handle the arrangements alone in her grief, so please consider carrying some of that burden. By the way, "pre-need" prices are half of the prices quoted to those who approach the funeral home after the loved one has passed. If your father is anything like mine, he wouldn't want to throw his money away even after he can no longer spend it.
If there is anything left that you want to say to your father, don't wait. He may become unresponsive at any time and without much warning. I wish I had thanked my Dad for being a terrific father and for all the sacrifices he made for us.
Your father wants to leave his affairs in order. Someone should gather any insurance policies, will, retirement accounts, safe deposit boxes, obscure financial assets, etc. Your father may like knowing that this is in place. The insurance policies, etc. will require a submission of a death certificate for settlement, so someone has to handle that in the difficult days after he passes.
If your father is of significant wealth, there are some estate planning steps that can be put in place both before and after his death that you should consider. A certain amount of tax-free gifting can be executed prior to his death and a portion of his assets can go into trust after his death as an additional tool to help with estate taxes.
Good luck and hang in there. My heart goes out to you.
