My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

[Flashlightboy]

Late Monday morning my father finished his fight with cancer. My brother and I were with him as he tilted his head, his color changed and the breaths become shallower. It was over in only a few minutes.

For those of you with lost loved ones you know, with the clearest of absolute certainty, that the final days are a struggle for the ill and family alike. The loss of dignity, the vile smell of stomach contents undigested from days earlier that hung in the air and in your clothes is terrible. The eyes show it all. Ice cream that is vomited up minutes later. The pained breathing. It is horrible.

Still, we had a good Saturday together and it was a welcome surprise since I didn't think I'd be able to talk with him after last Tuesday. I won the Bonus Round.

Although I'm too tired to go into details, I told my dad on Saturday that I'd honestly answer any questions without sugar coating them if there was anything he wanted to know. He asked me the following questions in rapid succession.

"Am I going to die?" "Yes dad, you will."

"Will I go to heaven?" "Yes and your mom, dad and brother are waiting for you with open arms."

"When will I die?" "Dad, that's something that you and the Good Lord have to work out and the two of you will let us know. I think it'll be soon."

"Am I dying?" "Yes."

There is a different kind of peace in the house tonight but his long fight is over. In the end when I didn't think he could talk to me I thanked him for adopting me and he surprised me by saying that he was glad that I adopted him. That's just the kind of person he was.

 

[14C]

My mom was already in heaven....all that was there was her body.

 

[Finbar]

No easy way out mate.

Me Pa died in me arms, from a heart attack. No warning.

Me best mate had his Pa die, a long protracted death. It gave him time to mend fences with his Pa, as they had a difficult relationship.

Me Pa was me best mate. So, I did not have to mend any fences. I just had to deal with not having me best mate any more.

Either way, death is not easy. It is the friend waiting patiently for all of us.

The time waiting for the ambulance seems like an eternity.

Flashlightboy, All Me Best to You,

Fin

 

[arewethereyetdad]

Jeff, your father will always be with you, that I can assure you. I'm happy for you that the inevitable has come and gone, and that you can now move on to the next chapter of your life. You'll find that you'll often ask yourself "what would Dad do in this situation" or "what would Dad say," etc. This sort of internal advice-seeking is the best way you can remember him. He'll always be a part of your life. Thank you for opening up here on CPF. My prayers are with you.

 

[KevinL]

My condolences, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. If it helps, you did what you could - everything that you could.

Stay strong. Just as you yourself said, some day, you will all meet again.

 

[Zigzago]

Jeff, my sincere condolences.

I lost my Dad last week Monday. Although he didn't suffer the torments that your father did, it's hard to suddenly be without him.

Count yourself lucky that you were able to be there at the end to demonstrate your love with your words and your presence and to share his passage. I'm sure it meant a lot to him that he was not alone.

Gregg

 

[Santelmo]

"There is a time for everything under the sun" goes the passage in the Christian Bible. This is the time for remembrance and a bit of sadness. . .My condolences to you and your family.

 

[PhotonWrangler]

My condolences also Jeff. Thank goodness he is at peace now. He's never really completely gone though; you'll always carry a part of him around within yourself.

 

[Flashlightboy]

I've read this thread several times and some of the posts over and over and I truly want to thank all of you.

The local National Cemetary can't conduct burial until next Friday but we've already had visitation and a lot of people attended. Some I hadn't seen in years and it was good to laugh, cry and just talk about my dad.

I don't know if you go straight to heaven or have the chance to make stops along the way but we asked that several items be placed with him.

He loved to bowl and we thought it would be appropriate to bury him with his bowling shoes. He was a dentist and the front pocket of his suit has a perio probe, explorer and mirror. He also loved to water ski and did it until the chemo wore him down. His favorite ski will go with him into the afterlife.

Thank you to everyone.

 

[jayflash]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif Sorry, Man.

 

[sniper]

Words are inadequate, except to express the fact you are not alone in this. Sincere Condolences.

I lost a very good friend to pancreatic cancer just after Thanksgiving. We didn't even have time to catch a last flick together.

He was a survivor of the late unpleasantness in Southeast Asia, and an adopted Hmong tribesman. As a result, He was active in promoting the Hmong cause in our State Government, and I was able to help in some small way. He had seen the elephant. His Hmong wife and her entire village were massacred by Viet Cong, and he did things after that he would never detail, and I knew were better not asked about. It troubled him to his last day, and I didn't have any answers for him.

He was raised as a Native American, and his Totem Animal, or Spirit Guide was a bear. I will not hunt bears out of respect for his belief.

He was buried with his SF KaBar and his Hmong Knife, which I thought was fitting.

But: I do know that Death is not final. John 3:16-17 is the truest thing you will ever read.

Enjoy the good memories.

 

[*Bryan*]

I haven't been on in a couple of days and saw this post and had to read it. I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. The little you've said about him, says a lot about the person he was. I am sure a lot of him, is in you and will be that way until you pass it along to your kids.

My condoloences and prayers go to your family. May your dad rest in peace.

 

[junior]

My prayers are with you flashlight boy.

 

[simbad]

I´m very sorry for your loss Jeff, my condolences for you and your family.

 

[Argetni]

I am very sorry for your loss.