what ever ya do dont buy a ostrich

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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well i was at the live stock auction . i go every once ina while im looking for a good deal on a cow and a few goats .well with milk prices the cows was high as hell. so all of a sudden the auctiner list a amount of 12 ostriches for 3 bucks 7 males 5 feamles .well im like i never knew peopple bought em it opened at 20 bucks im like 20 bucks hell i can afford that i bid the next guy bids 25 i say 30 no a women yesll 30 i am now at this point wanting to win i yell 50 and there is silence he says once twice 3 times sold to the guy in the green hat which happens tobe me.well i know they cant fly so i put em in my fench its 3 feet huigh . well guess what they can jump well as im loading em in fench the main one he must be the leader just jumps fench i see that im like o know im in troble now i let a big azz bird lose on the city. so i panic and run over to him, i relaize he is bigger then me and may be able to beat me up.well thaTS NOT EVEN the bad thing the bad thing is iforgot to close gate so as soon as the others eee its open they walk out so well 5 was dum they stayed in the others just walked out .. so they walk down miller street while the one i was trying to get was in kennenas yhard one was just peeking at a old pot pie pan. well back to the first one i jumped on him . well that was a mistake.soon as i do he runs and ui fall offok ill be right back there is a knock at dor story will continiue latter
 

Badbeams3

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Ah, the continuing adventures of Raggie33. LOL...guess I`ll stick with gold fish. Better go round that feller up Raggie. Let us know how it goes...if your still able to type.
 

BlindedByTheLite

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holy sh*t! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hahaha.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif
 

PhotonWrangler

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Beamshots! Beamshots! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grinser2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/popcorn.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grinser2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin07.gif
 

KingSmono

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Wow, what exactly do you do with Ostriches anyway? I mean, when you're not chasing them around town... Can you eat their eggs or something?
 

Icebreak

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raggie33 -

Beware. Ostriches can kick like hect.

Let me get this straight. It's Saturday night and you're trying to round up one dozen newly purchased ostriches, some of which are terrorizing your neighborhood. You sure you haven't had a couple of cocktails and your chickens got loose?

From Young Guns after an evening of peyote/inner searching, "Dirty Steve" Stephens: "Dog, did you see the size of that chicken?"


Of all your posts, this has got to be the best ever.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohgeez.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif
 

Rothrandir

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i got bit by an ostritch once... it wasn't pretty /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

and if anyone asks why you have an ostritch, be sure to tell them it's just an alaskan dog or something /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif
 

raggie33

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well aparenly i am not alowed to have osrtiches in this city
 

Greta

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ROTFLMAO!!!... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif
 

Endeavour

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OH SWEET JESUS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hahaha.gif

God, I laughed for a good fifteen minutes imagining this situation. I could imagine myself in your shoes, except that after I jumped on the ostrich, I wouldn't be lucky enough to fall off... It would drag me until it got very angry, then start kicking and pecking at me, and otherwise beating me into ostrich-submission.
 

Darell

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[ QUOTE ]
raggie33 said:
well aparenly i am not alowed to have osrtiches in this city

[/ QUOTE ]That's a given. But how about if you keep them at home? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Ooooo! I kill myself sometimes.

OK, so you can't keep them... do you even HAVE them again?
 

PhotonWrangler

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Oh, this is TOO funny Raggie... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grinser2.gif Thanks for making my evening!

I hope that you and the birds are ok. What happens now if you're not allowed to keep them in the city? Donate them to a local zoo?
 

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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lol i hope some of ya know this is a random story that goes thru my head! every minute or so lol i have no ostriches i made this story up just to bring laughter to people . o and ps there not all cramed in my kitchen not at all i asure ya but dont look in windows
 

Wolfen

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Very funny Raggie /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif You have a talent for story telling. Keep it up /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif
 

js

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[ QUOTE ]
Sasha said:
ROTFLMAO!!!... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Me too! This is too funny, Raggie. Well done indeed. You have a gift. Excellent stuff. It reminds me of a scene from a Tom Sharp book (he's really big in the UK, I'm told). I'm pretty sure it's from his book "Riotous Assembly". I think that's it. His first book, at any rate, about the brutality and stupidity of the South African police. Hard to imagine that being funny, huh? Anyway, it is. The chief of police is a real idiot and he imagines there are lots of communists in the city, so he sends out a dozen undercover agents to try to infiltrate the communists, but they don't know of each other's existence so they are all reporting on this communist activity which is really just other undercover agents trying to lure each other into doing something illegal. So they settle (somehow) on blowing up a dam or bridge or something, and they decide to do it by putting plastic explosives w/timer dentonators in condoms (these always show up in Tom Sharp books), coating the condoms with honey and popcorn, and feeding them to--you guessed it--ostriches. They prepare a trail of popcorn leading to the dam, but the ostriches are smarter than that. They figure that their real meal ticket is with these nice people who fed them honey and popcorn. So the undercover police agents all start frantically trying to get away from the ostriches before they explode. So you've got this absurd and outrageous scene of people running from exploding ostriches, and yes, they can run very fast. I assure you that in the book this is quite funny, however poorly I am putting it across at the moment.

But I think raggies story is even funnier. Have you ever thought of being a professional comedian, raggie?
 

Size15's

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Agreed! Excellent funny post - Some of the best meat I've ever eaten was ostrich. Gotta be a bit pink though.

I was extremely surprised to see encounter a pride of ostrich while hunting drumlins on a university fieldtrip.

Al
 
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